唐 怀素 自叙帖

唐 怀素 自叙帖

寂寞难耐

歌手：李宗盛 专辑：生命中的精灵 总是平白无故的. 难过起来 然而大夥都在 笑话正是精彩 怎麽好意思.一个人走开 不是没有想过. 随便谈个恋爱 一天又过一天. 三十岁就快来 往後的日子 怎麽对自己交待 寂寞难耐寂寞难耐 爱情是最辛苦的等待 爱情是最遥远的未来 时光不再啊. 时光不再 只有自己为自己喝采 只有自己为自己悲哀 虽然曾经有过 很多感情的债 对於未来的爱 还是非常期待 这一次 我的心情不高不低不好不坏 寂寞难耐寂寞难耐 爱情是最辛苦的等待 爱情是最遥远的未来 时光不再啊. 时光不再 只有自己为自己喝采 只有自己为自己悲哀

笨小孩

ar刘德华 柯寿良] 笨小孩~刘德华 哦...宁静的小村外有一个笨小孩 出生在陆零年代 十来岁到城市 不怕那太阳晒 努力在柒零年代 发现呀城市里朋友们不用去灌溉 花自然会开 哦...转眼间那麽快这一个笨小孩 又到了捌零年代 三十岁到头来不算好也不坏 经过了玖零年代 最无奈他自己总是会慢人家一拍 没有钱在那囗袋 哎哟往着胸囗拍一拍呀勇敢站起来 不用心情太坏 哎哟向着天空拜一拜呀别想不开 老天自有安排 *哦...他们说城市里男不坏女不爱 怎麽想也不明白 妈妈说真心爱会爱得很精彩 结果我没有女孩笨小孩 依然是坚强得像石头一块 只是晚上寂寞难耐 *哎哟往着胸囗拍一拍呀勇敢站起来 管它上天下海 哎哟向着天空拜一拜呀别想不开 老天自有安排 老天爱笨小孩

Me turning 30 

To reflect in order to dream 

三十自叙

我从来都没有想过自己能够越过三十岁这个高不可攀的门槛。我也不从来没有想到过自己会像个有闲阶级一样坐下来，故意用一些含混以显得意味深长的文字来虚构自己过去二十几年的生活。可是事实是，经过了夏日漫长的午后，心里开始发痒，那些过去的时光就像潮水一样将我包围。

我写不出《流年碎影》、《留德十年》或者《我们仨》这样的杰作，因为我的生活乏味平淡，不过是些鸡毛蒜皮的小事所攒成的鸡毛掸子。但是在夏日强烈的阳光下，如果你在空气中使劲挥舞着鸡毛掸子，你也会看到一些金色的灰尘在空气的湍流中游荡，那些就是我记忆的碎片。它们在不断的形成、生长、断裂、粉碎，就像是我身体里面的细胞。所谓的我，不过就是一个时间的垃圾场。日子久了，形成了固定的想法、反应、信仰、爱憎，和根深蒂固的偏见、执著。

一直以来，我都相信，人从出生到死亡，是一个不断衰退的过程。童年时代，哪个少女不是洛丽塔转世或者阿修罗再生？青年时代，我们的身体就是希腊艺术家手中完美人体的体现。然后，时间带走了我们光洁的皮肤，强健的肌肉，和与天神相媲美的自信。剩下的不过是自扰的庸人，带着不尽的追悔，在欲望的世界里煎熬。到了三十岁，除了自知之明，大概没有什么值得骄傲的东西了。只有在被强烈的阳光模糊了双眼的刹那之间，我才在恍惚间看到了十岁和二十岁时的自己。对着那些影子，我自惭形秽，无地自容。你呢？

卡波蒂的小说总是以对一个场景或者空间的描述开始，让我也试试吧。想象一下六岁的我，一个人站在不熟悉的乡下田埂上。因为赌气从舅舅家里“出走”，穿过了石油大队的家属住宅区，一个人跑到了真正的旷野里。到处都是不知名的庄稼，脚下是细细弯弯的水渠，清凉的流水中是我叫不上名字的七彩小鱼。庄稼地的边上是层层叠叠的芦苇和兔儿草，被成熟的麦穗和高粱穗子压弯了。我第一次体会到一个人的自由和随着这自由而来的恐惧。在蜜色的空气中，不知从什么地方升起了无数的蜻蜓。华北平原傍晚的天空带着变幻莫测的颜色，第一次，我发现世界上竟然有这么多的蜻蜓。它们透明的翅膀和透明的眼睛，将金色的阳光过滤成浅紫色的阴影。没有人经过的小径上，蚯蚓从从容容地从地底下钻出来。巨大的“棺材板儿”和“油葫芦”开始在路灯下集结起来，用此起彼伏的歌声回应树上鸣蝉的嘶叫。乡下的世界对一个城里来的迷路的孩子打开了，用它的宽容的手为她编织了一个仲夏夜的梦。

从此以后，我对于夏日的夜有了一种特殊的好感。仿佛在夜深人静之后，我不知名的朋友们就会从浮光掠影的尘世背后渐渐浮现出来，带着仙王和仙后的使命，带着爱丽丝们和胡桃夹子们和龙子太郎们，欢笑着聚拢到我身边来。在所有仲夏夜的梦里，未名湖承载了我最多的踌躇和幻想。那一年大家都要毕业了，在夜深无人的时刻，我们在鸣鹤亭里喝醉了。把宣纸铺开来，每个人都把自己的耳朵印下来以资留念。我不知道那些耳朵的下落，只记得当时流萤满天，月光清浅，荷叶和荷花的香气织成了密密迭迭的网，把我们包围在中间。然后有人说到了死。一个人说如果有选择的话，他愿意从高处坠下。多年以后，我还记得当时打了一个寒颤，仿佛感到自己的头骨和地面接触瞬间的阵痛。那一夜在鸣鹤亭里，除了星星点点的烛光和执手相看的泪眼，再没有一点光亮了。

奇怪的是，我在众人昏睡之后，独自醒着。有一次大家在咚咚家里玩累了，兴致所至，居然把自行车胎到屋里，用车轮在宣纸上“作画”。十几个人不知道怎么在一个十几平米的平房小屋里挤着睡着了。我没睡，一个人抱着电视看一部不知名的法语片。故事的主人公受到诅咒得到永生，但是他的妻子/情人总是在与他相遇之后死去。生命不断轮回，而他没有力量改变自己的命运，只能一次又一次地失去自己的挚爱。在电影里，这个落魄的中年男人独自坐在雨中，等待着命运下一次的袭击。过了很多年，我才知道这是根据波夫瓦的小说改编的电影《前生今世》。电影中宿命的叹息，仿佛《胭脂扣》里面绵绵不断的情愫，有绕梁三日的感觉。我看到东方天色发白，新的一日就要开始，可是心里却觉得长日将尽，和那个冬天一样，在心中变成了一块冰。

曾经有这么一个不起眼的公寓，带给我二十岁时最大的快乐和痛苦。穿过海淀图书城，在这个城乡结合部的路口拐弯儿，摸索着穿过大大小小的店铺和门脸儿，在一栋老旧的居民楼里，曾经有这么一个不起眼的公寓，容纳了许多的欢笑和眼泪。周末的时候，我们从歌德学院回来，从楼下的店铺里面买来牛肉和蔬菜，张罗着一干人等的吃喝。有的时候大家都喝醉了，就索性横七竖八地在地上打个地铺睡觉。那是一个没有什么网络的时代，我们聊天、到怀柔的乡下野游，似懂非懂地搀和着现代艺术这摊浑水。有一次帮老朱在德国使馆准备画展，买了无数的红色油漆，像工人师傅一样，认真地在几十米的画布上放大王羲之的《大道帖》中的一个局部。这是我平生第一次也是唯一一次参与了艺术的创造，那个展览叫做《传统与反思》。在那次的展览中，我认识了许多活跃的现代艺术家。快乐原来可以这么容易，在二十岁的时候，在1998年。若干年之后，在纽约看到宋东和尹秀珍的展览--“筷道”的广告，终于还是没有鼓起勇气去看。不是怕看到他们 重复自己过去的作品，而是怕看到自己老了。

三十岁其实也没什么了不起，时间这个东西，本来没有什么道理可讲。上中学的时候迷恋马尔克斯的文字，把他的《百年孤独》囫囵吞枣的读了又读。他绮丽的文字和漫无边际的想象，就像是夏季大雨之后水面上漂浮的汽油斑点，绚烂而短促，足以让任何年轻的心灵窒息而狂迷。图书馆过道里的光线是这么暗淡，书页在这黑暗中慢慢地老去，而彼时年轻的我，曾经为大仲马笔下的《布拉日隆子爵》流下了多少无知的眼泪。甚至是看《奇普里昂.波隆贝斯库》和《牛虻》这样的革命电影，我都会为主人公一掬同情之泪。

那时的世界，再悲惨不过的也就是考试落后或者跑800米不及格。谁知道真实世界里的时间，带走的不仅是欢乐，甚至是生命。父亲去世已经快8年了，有的时候感觉就像是发生在昨天一样。急救室里耀眼的白色光线，通往停尸房漫长而寒冷的过道，以及骨灰盒在手臂里越来越沉重的感觉，有的时候都像是电闪雷鸣一样打到我的脑海中来。那个时候我不理解死亡，我抗拒死亡。现在我渐渐地开始接纳死亡，接纳它作为生命的一部分，作为轮回的终点和起点。我一直以为阅读可以帮助我超越常人的情感困扰，可以帮助我参透人生的迷津。现在我明白了，这一切都得依靠体验。能面对现实的死亡，能面对爱，能面对生命不能承受之轻，一个人才能够说，她长大了。

现在我兜了一个大大圈子，终于走到了三十岁的门前。其实没有什么特殊的感觉，不过是为了让朋友们高兴，所以要大张旗鼓的庆祝一下。我问我的朋友们，三十岁的感觉如何。一个人说，过了三十岁，每年都要给自己减一岁，可以越活越年轻。另一个人说，自己到了33岁的时候才发现已经过了30岁，吓了一跳。所以我还有几年可蹦跶呢。谁知道呢，但愿老天爷不要将过大的重任压倒我肩上。小女子还想努力踏实工作，抽空认真谈谈恋爱，好好结个婚，实实在在地生两三个孩子，体验一下人生的乐趣。我也希望妈妈和外婆身体健康，可以看到我实现这些朴实的梦想。

创造传统

copy from http://www.msppj.com 作者:中国美术批评家网 专稿 时间:2005-5-2 1:20:00 文/朱青生 　　不久前在德国驻华使馆旧馆举办的中国当代艺术展，是90年代北京举办的最大的一次现代艺术展，共有29个展室，36位艺术家参展。这个主题展，由德国学者史耐德（Eckhard Schneider）策划，德国使馆文化处主办，大众汽车等德国公司资助。这个背景，使人很自然地想到是个给“外国人看的展览”。事实正相反，此展同时或之前在西方举行了多次大型中国现代艺术展，而展出的正是“外国人的口味”，传统水墨、中国文字、摆设、政治讽刺油彩漫画、批判现实社会的阴毒和丑陋的德国式表现主义绘画和反讽浮世商潮的美国式艳俗图像。之所以这些很有魅力的作品变成了“外国人口味”，因为它们既不参与中国当前的思想和文化争论，也对文化界知识界没有任何影响，但却借助国际市场变成了一场生意，被评论界概括为“后殖民文化”现象。而这次展览，5000参观者中98％是中国观众。主办者带着明确思想，一反上述展览的“口味”，选择一个问题，冷静地、客观地、有条理地呈现出来。这个问题就是：重思传统。重思传统，混和着民族主义、保守主义、后现代思潮和国情现代化，与其他思潮互相激荡，蔚为可观。重思传统是信息时代对个人的文化身份认同的普遍的心理趋向，但对一个发达程度较低“非主流文化”的成员，又意味着从文化殖民的心奴状态中自我觉醒。而对一个正处发达机遇的文化成员来说，更意味着理智地透过经济和政治的现实影响，瞄准世界的共同前景，重新探讨人类根本问题的解决和解释的方法。史耐德将“传统·反思”的宗旨定在：作品必须是创造性的现代艺术，但创作不是西方已有艺术观念和方法的挪用，而是从中国文化因素中生成的观念和方法。这些文化因素作为“传统”资源，艺术家可以延用，可以重组，可以参照，甚至可以逆反而为。所以这个展览不是泛泛地反思传统，而是集中反映中国艺术界暨思想界重思传统的第三种态度。 　　重思传统有三种态度。第一种是“博物馆态度”，它注重历史上的象征符号，如歌颂故宫长城。人人心中有此形象，但在现实生存中它们不发生作用。第二种是“习俗态度”，注重传统的精神习俗可以保障社会的发展。第三种是“主动误取态度”，注重创造崭新的事物和时代，为了摆脱创造过程中现行传统习俗的阻碍和其他价值观念的压迫，而自由地重新认识和启用古老的文化因素，鼓舞精神独立的创造。尤其对一个在世界上文化处于被压抑、轻视地位的文化集团，自尊和自信需要支持，三种态度常常就混杂在一起。“传统·反思”展览正是要探求三种态度本质上的差异。 　　对于一个率先实现现代化的国家（民族），如法国，重思传统的三种态度是无须区分的，因为他们的创造史无前例，对自己的传统或继承，或反叛，可近可远。为了打破僵局可以主动误取他文化的传统，如毕加索为了打破绘画的模仿性就借助非洲雕刻的变形法。为了建造新的形象可以主动误取古老的表象，如布朗库西把家乡村舍的木头方柱放大，制成雕塑史里程碑的“天堂之柱”。率先发达的创造者自由地平等对待一切对其创造有利的文化因素。但是“自由、平等、博爱”的故乡无一不在发达后成为帝国主义，也无一不在今天保持着帝国主义精神，即他们从现行的世界地位上确信，并要求其他民族相信，由西方文化发展而成的现代文化是优越文化，今日依此傲视天下，将来也依此同化世界，其他文化只有放弃自己的传统，才能受到优越文化标准的接纳。 　　西方的现代化社会及其标志——现代艺术发展的历史，不乏对传统文化科学研究（博物馆态度），不乏对自我和其他种族、国度之精神习俗的张扬和批判（习俗态度），但却充满了对传统的主动误取、反省、重组，几经重大的反传统运动才脱胎换骨成就了现代化。也就是说，西方的胜利在于当事人不断地创造，在创造中不断重思传统，而根据问题的要求不停批判、扬弃、反叛或复归传统，使自己在自觉的原创中开拓了自己的当代文化。这种主动误取的精神比传统因素本身的作用更为关键!正如上所说，同样的精神完全可以支持他们以用非本民族的，甚至已无后继人的古代民族的文化因素。可是竟有人相信希腊罗马时代、基督中世纪就为西方今天的发达准备一切精神基础。而在那个传统之外，所有信仰、习俗、学说、智慧、文化和艺术都是今天失败和落后的祸根! 　　所以，重思传统对于转型期的我国思想界来说，就有了双重目标。其一要借此建造民族的创造性文化，创造的标志是它的成果将成为人类共用的某些判断标准。在艺术上，就是要对“艺术是什么”的问题进一步作出实践回答。因其回答更为切中问题，更为切近人性的本质而促进文明的进步。五四运动时重思传统重在反省，由此使中国文化成员融入到人类现代、精神共识中。自此，对现代文化的追随已改造了中国。中国已经是一个强大独立的国家，但是中华民族文化在国际中的落后地位并没有根本的改变，所以才有90年代的重思传统。重思是为了超越“追随”，进入独立开创的境界。 　　其二，这种重思传统只为创造而开设，而不会被任何阻碍社会现代化发展、干预个人自由发展的企图所利用，曲解成形形色色的反理性主义、利益特权理论、萎缩性的保守主义和文化殖民倾向。警惕包括以“后现代”的口号，用开放和自在的表面现象，掩饰着的投人所好的奴婢心态，以向人展现本来已经处于压抑和艰难中的本文化的阴暗和残缺以邀宠。重思是为了“开今”，反对倒退，并深刻保持对传统的批判精神。 　　双重目标是一体二面，所以重思传统与五四运动的反传统精神是一致的，与改革开放、汲取人类一切优秀遗产，特别是借鉴西方现代思想、文化和科学技术成就是一致的。为了创造，为了自我文化的成长和完善，对所有的一切都要批判，都要取用，都不去被动模仿，才是重思传统的第三种态度。 　　由此，第一种重思传统的“博物馆态度”应该限制在历史科学的范畴。在艺术中研究笔墨、研究诗词和题款，在艺术学中研究佛教壁画、研究门神的起源都指望着更为精密的博物馆态度。中国赴西方的展览（包括1998年底法兰克福南越王墓展Schatz）都是由西方博物馆撰写学术目录，西方凡是送到中国的展览也是自撰目录，可见中国的博物馆态度也处在任人取舍的程度，既不受到“外国人”的重视，更不受到本国的尊重。博物馆态度的纯化，将培养成一种理智的诚实，国民由此而懂得面对历史，严谨与诚实地对待历史是民族立国的人格依靠。之所以将之限制于历史科学的范畴之中，是因为透过研究理解祖先的伟大成就并不能为现实创造增加直接的动力，就如同一个世家子弟，在他的窘境中翻出辉煌的家谱，是增加他的光荣，还是反衬他的不肖?历史研究给今天创造只是提供了一个标准、一个榜样，昭示我们：“来，做得与先贤相当!” 　　同样因此，第二种重思传统的“习俗态度”应该只是社会学理论。依赖某种精神习俗来挽救颓唐是天真而脆弱的。儒家传统真能对中国现代化进程起保障作用吗?这是典型的韦伯式误导。韦伯分析过儒学与中国社会，又以新教伦理和资本主义精神的因果论证而误让人把一个社会科学方法扩展到一种经世致用的“习俗态度”。韦伯的方法明显带有德国历史学派个案研究的特点，他析出新教伦理与资本主义精神这一对因素，反复验证，使这对因素扩大膨胀，几乎掩盖了“资本生产必须依赖市场（以及与新教勤俭相对立的消费），而不是先有为市场而工作的伦理”这个简单的常识。同时由于科学方法要求研究因素的清晰和单纯，所以他说明新教作为资本积累的伦理根据时，有意不涉及强调投机的犹太精神和强调占有的罗马精神共同构成西方资本主义发生期的复杂的伦理整合结构（其中还不包括只能做、不能说的许多潜在心理）。所以韦伯的方法近代受到法国年鉴学派的取代是理所当然的。况且，韦伯的理论在二战后产生世界性影响又与理论的规避性质相关，在20年代（韦伯去世前后），真正鼓舞资本主义发展的是以扩大市场、利益竞争为目的的帝国精神。英国人利用了传统中的惟利不择手段、美国人利用传统中的个人世间利益至上、德国人利用了传统中的纳粹前身普鲁士主义、法国人利用了传统中的法兰西民族沙文主义都在各帝国的发展中起子至少不亚于新教伦理的作用（法国根本就是天主教）。韦伯的理论结论是相当谨慎，他的规避也是个人学术观念而已。但二战后，以美国为首的西方世界都要掩盖以希特勒为代表民族利益至上的帝国精神，而改用无关痛痒的传统伦理作为说辞。而事实上，凡是以自我的（实际是主动误取后的）传统信念为核心，团结国人争取创造成就的国家，继续成为主流文化的代表，而不能积极创造的国家就衰弱下来，传统深厚如葡萄牙不行，有新教伦理如英国也不行。因此，“习俗态度”作为一种社会学研究，虽不能揭示社会现象的本质，但却为人类的社会学知识作出了巨大的贡献。但是，用“习俗态度”作为一种社会实践和文化策略，除非别有用心，它实际上包含着一种危险，即社会的某些既得利益者为了延缓现代化进程，用“习俗态度”掩盖问题的真相。在中国经历了解放、反右、大跃进和“文化大革命”，毛泽东思想完全替代了儒家，现实主义艺术早已取代了文人画，经济工作为中心的伦理凌驾于一切精神习俗之上。 　　但是，在这种形势下第三种态度之所以可行，还是出于中国在国际间的际遇。中国只有开创自己的文化才能使中华民族每一成员幸福!无论政府还是平民，无论某个人的政治立场、社会地位和现实处境如何，无论在国内国外，无论对传统文化是继续批判还是奋力重建，因为自己生长于此，创造性地开拓这个文化的未来是无从回避的义务，又是一个充满希望的沙场。还有什么别的目标能使中华民族万众一心? 　　世界上已有许多文化，其中人们由于创造而得以发达，由于对自我的传统主动误取程度较高，而令所有的人类成员向往。就像现代艺术的大都会在纽约、巴黎、柏林和罗马，这是我们同类的成就，我们与发达国家的学者和艺术家一同工作，正如我们在“传统·反思”展览中与德国同行的配合。在文化胸怀上我们是全球化观念的持有者。几年前在我与王南溟、王林的专业问题通信中（见《读书》1997年第11期）却流露出另外一种情绪，虽非处处在理但却真实。世界还在国家利益至上的时代，个人除性别、经济地位、政治地位之外，还有文化身份作为他现实生存的依据。现代化发展程度低的文化成员作为整体和个体都会受到精神压抑，一个没有现代创造性成就的文化分子，无论他个人成绩多高，仍然无以摆脱文化上的被动地位，他会时时被他文化提醒：“你是一个‘次等文化’的后裔，你是离开了本文化，加入了另外的优越文化才有成就。而那个优越文化不是你创造的，不是你父辈创造的，不是你祖先创造的，你是在那个优越文化创造成了之后来投奔的，你优秀，但你是庶出……”一念至此，幸福就被损害。　　“传统·反思”中国当代艺术展结集的艺术家们原来是为了内心的幸福而创造的。他们不以“博物馆态度”倚仗祖先往日的光荣，也不以“习俗态度”来回避问题的实质，而是在世界当代艺术创作共同程度上，从自己的文化因素中，提取观念和方法，面对现实问题进一步开拓独立的精神境界。

Mad Love 

Joana with Pillpe's coffin 

Juana la loca-lovesick 

Juana 

Ararat poster 

Ararat 

妈妈是如何被电脑打败的

妈妈正在学习使用只有英文系统的电脑上网，因为我大多数时候霸占着我的电脑。所以她多数时候都得到楼上的公共机房去上网。今天她说好几台电脑都坏了，好的都有人用着呢。所以她只能因陋就简地使用一台键盘不大灵光的机器。她发现键盘的字母o键坏了，她捉摸了半天，决定用数字0来欺骗一下电脑，但是没有奏效。妈妈就是这样被电脑打败的。 因为她天天在网上泡着，所以每天吸收的无聊的八卦新闻数量远远大于我们任何一个人。聊天的时候，妈妈能够把芙蓉姐姐最近的所作所为给我们作精彩的报告，而且捎带着把她的七姑八姨的乌七八糟的故事也回顾一番。还好妈妈还没有学会用英文和别人聊天，否则我可就担心打发了。万一哪个没道德的欺骗善良的老妈，我可怎么办啊？ 小时候妈妈为我担忧，现在我们为开始进入老年的父母们担忧。怕他们寂寞，但是又怕他们在网上乱闯。现在的问题不是信息不足，而是信息过量。妈妈每天没完没了地接受无用的信息，又想把它们灌输给我。我真是有苦没地方诉。网上这些乱七八糟的东西可比我们小时候可能接触到的“坏东西和坏影响”多多了。80年代的小孩儿顶多看看武侠小说和《大千世界》，可是现在网络可以给妈妈爸爸们提供好多诱惑，你说我们不在一边监督着怎么能放心呢。尤其是连新浪这种门户网站都藏污纳垢，充斥色情小广告，哪有个让人放心的老年频道啊？看来以后不仅要注意青少年上网的健康问题，同样要注意老年人上网的健康问题，对于几个小时在网上挂着，对丑闻大坑穷追不舍的老年同志，要特别提醒他们注意，千万不能“生命不息，战斗不止”。 共勉共勉！

Mount Ararat and Joan la loca

Mount Ararat (Turkish: Ağrı Dağı; Armenian: Արարատ; Kurdish: Agirî, Ararat; Greek: Αραράτ; Persian: آرارات Ararat; Hebrew: אררט, Tiberian Hebrew: ʾĂrārāṭ) is the tallest peak in modern Turkey. This snow-capped, dormant volcanic cone is located near the northeast corner of Turkey, 16 km west of the Iranian and 32 km south of the Armenian border. The Book of Genesis identifies the "mountains of Ararat" as the resting place of Noah's Ark after the Great Flood described there.

I heard about Mount Ararat from a IFC film some time ago. Ararat is a 2002 film by Atom Egoyan about the Armenian Genocide, an event that is denied to this day by the government of Turkey. Instead of presenting a straightforward narrative account of the genocide, the film examines the nature of truth and how it can be represented on film. It is a film-within-film design, in which the American film makers and actors reflected and experienced the ethnic conflict in both WWI and the current time. In addition, the film was set from the memory of Arshile Gorky, one of my favoriate artist and also an Armenian survivor of the genocide. In the film, Mount Ararat was taken as symbol of the disappearing country and people's identity.

The Armenians were deprived of their land, life, religion and identity. The pains was never heard by the outside world and condemned into obleven by historical narratives. There was parallel themes in the film. On one side, a female Armenian historian was asked to be consultant for a film reflected the Genocide in Armenia, based on Gorky's memory. On the other side, her son set foot to find the untold history of his father, a Armenian assissnate of Turkish official, and the history truth of the Genocide. The film was full of controvasy, uncertainty and depression. There seems no absolute truth and each one provides his/her own retrospective of the past, the present and the future. The film tries to built a Babylon Tower from the sand and it does make deep marks on the audience mind. The audience feels disturbed, uneasiness and disappointment. At this point, they are forced to reflect their own judgement and the very bases which their moralty relies on. This is a tricky part of the movie: patriotic feeling is a dangeous one. The historic writting of the meta history always overwrite the daily suffering of people.

I watched another movie yesterday, Joana la Loca, The Mad Joana. A mediore movie about woman struggled bewteen love, lust and power. Her father, husband and son all wanted to rule the Spain on her behalf. She was a example of having love above her passion for power, which led to her destiny of 47 years in "madness" after her husband's death. I can not help wonder what Joana really wanted from her love, from her passion for Phillpe the Handsome. She was very educated and longing for romantic relationship with her husband, several ceuntries before the idea of romantic love was invented. Her Latin prepared nothing except disappointment with her unfaithful husband. Here is the long story of her life. from http://www.xs4all.nl/~kvenjb/madmonarchs/juana/juana_bio.htm: Queen Juana I of Castile (1479-1555) is generally known as "Joan the Mad"1. Despite her nickname, Juana's "madness" has often been disputed; she may have been locked up for political reasons only. Either way, she was a passionate woman, who fell madly in love with her handsome husband and continued to caress him even after his death. Juana was born on November 6, 1479, as the second daughter of Queen Isabella I of Castile and King Ferdinand II of Aragon. Their marriage had united Spain. Juana was a fretful, ailing baby that slowly developed into a sullen and timid child. She was prone to moodiness and melancholy and preferred solitude. Her aloofness was often mistaken for royal dignity. Juana was well taught by the famous Italian humanists Antonio and Alessandro Gerardino. She was intelligent, serious, hardworking and pious and she read a lot of books. She conversed fluently in Latin, danced gracefully and played clavichord and guitar. In appearance she resembled her father's mother, the beautiful Juana Enriquez, but in disposition she resembled her mother's mother, the mad Isabel of Portugal. At the age of 16, Juana was betrothed to Philip the Handsome of Austria (1478-1506), only son of the Emperor Maximilian I. A fleet with approximately 22,000 persons accompanied Juana to the Low Countries in 1496. After a dangerous month at sea with 3 ships sunken, Juana disembarked suffering from seasickness and a severe cold. Philip was in no hurry to meet his bride; his sister Margaret welcomed Juana. When Juana and Philip finally met, however, it was lust at first sight - for both of them. Although they didn't speak each other's language, they immediately ordered the nearest cleric to wed them then and there. The cleric was hardly finished before the couple vanished into their bedroom, flung off their clothes and passionately made love. The next day a church wedding officially completed the union. For Philip the attraction to the beautiful, dark haired Juana (to the left) was carnal and little more, but Juana became totally infatuated with her husband. Philip had a large nose, long hair and an athletic figure. He was cheerful with an air of boyish zest. At 18, Philip was already sovereign of the Low Countries, which he had inherited from his late mother, Mary the Rich of Burgundy. Still, his life mainly consisted of feasting, drinking and chasing women - and he had no intention to change his philandering ways. For Juana, however, only absolute togetherness would do. She was too young and inexperienced to realise that she expected too much from a politically arranged marriage. Philip's flirtations and dalliances made her fly into jealous rages. Philip (to the right) was lazy and irresponsible and he detested arguments. Juana was irritable, haughty, touchy, and moody. Often, she was depressed and suffered from nervous fainting fits. Each time they had quarrelled, Philip punished his wife by avoiding her bedroom for days. Juana would then cry the whole night and bump up against the wall. But despite Philip's flagrant unfaithfulness and the way he was treating her, Juana remained madly in love with him. In 1498 Queen Isabella I send an emissary to the Low Countries to question Juana, but she refused to tell him anything. The Spaniard sensed tension and unhappiness in her and reported to her mother that Juana was too unstable to extend any Spanish influence in the Low Countries. Juana was ignorant of the political intrigues around her. The women in her entourage were treated badly and many of them were in actual want, but Juana could not help them for she was kept short of money herself and Philip did nothing to help. Ultimately, the only Spaniard left was Juana's treasurer, who used Juana's income to bribe the Flemish. Juana spoke several languages, but she still felt lonely in an alien country and she was mistrustful of everyone. In these circumstances Juana gave birth to Eleanor in 1498 and Charles in 1500. The heir's birth was celebrated with great splendour and after 12 days he was baptised. In the period 1497-1500, Juana's elder siblings, Juan and Isabel, and Isabel's baby son, all died, leaving Juana as heiress of Spain, Mexico, Peru and the Caribbean islands. After the birth of another daughter in 1501, Juana and Philip were summoned to Spain, leaving their children behind in Flanders. On arrival in Spain, Juana threw herself in her father's arms and hugged and kissed him. Queen Isabella I (to the right) , however, was too devout and too self-disciplined to feel much sympathy for either her overwrought daughter or her pleasure-loving son-in-law. Due to her mother's chilly treatment, Juana's nervousness increased. Cheerful Philip found the grim court life in Spain both tedious and trying. The sequence of religious services seemed endless and the summer heat blazed like a furnace. To his abhorrence, the Spaniards either kept their women hidden or used formidable chaperones. Philip got the measles, too. Once he was recovered he wanted to leave as soon as possible, but Juana was pregnant again. After a violent quarrel in December 1502, Philip left Juana behind. When she learned of it, she went berserk. Juana wanted to ride after him immediately, but her mother had her locked up in castle La Mota (below). Juana lapsed into brooding silences, knowing that Philip, back in Flanders, would surround himself with buxom beauties. Castle La Mota The Spanish Sovereigns hoped that Juana's wild moods and lamentations were due to her pregnancy, but after little Ferdinand's birth in March 1503, Juana grew more frenzied than ever. She yelled at the servants and cursed the clerics. She wanted to return to her husband as soon as possible, but she couldn't leave, because hostilities had broken out between Spain and France. Queen Isabella I, fearing Philip's influence, insisted that Juana remained in Spain for a time in order to prepare for Queenship. On a cold November night Juana fled, half-clad, from the castle. When the city gate closed before her, she threw herself against the iron bars, while screaming and hurling abuses until exhaustion overtook her. She fought off all efforts to protect her against the bitter wind. She even threatened the bishop with death and torture for keeping her locked up. When her mother arrived, Juana insulted her with foul language. Eventually, Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand had to let their daughter go. Leaving her son Ferdinand behind, Juana returned to Flanders in April 1504. She found out that Philip had taken a mistress and in a quarrel Juana cut off the woman's long hair. Philip hit Juana in the face and she retired to her room, where she remained for several days. Then Juana began to use love potions and other sorceries, devised by her Moorish serving maids. In disgust Philip ordered the girls dismissed and had Juana confined to her room. In protest Juana went on a hunger strike. A few days later the pair reconciled, but soon more violent quarrels followed. In November 1504 Isabella I of Castile died and Juana (to the right) was proclaimed Queen of Castile. Ferdinand II of Aragon asked his officials to read to the Cortes some notes of the Spanish treasurer in Flanders, portraying Juana's instability. The worried Cortes named Ferdinand curator. Both Philip and Ferdinand tried to persuade Juana in handing over the government to them. Meanwhile, Juana gave birth to a daughter Mary in 1505. In January 1506 Juana and Philip left for Spain to claim Juana's inheritance, but during a storm they found safety in English waters and paid a visit to the English Court and Juana's sister, Catherine of Aragon2. On arrival in Spain, Philip and Ferdinand negotiated an arrangement for the government of Castile without consulting Juana, who reacted furiously. Together the men tried to have Juana declared incompetent to rule. In September Philip began suffering from chills and a fever. After a few days he was hardly able to swallow or speak and he sweat a lot. Juana, pregnant again, stayed constantly at his bedside and cared for him. Within six days Philip the handsome died at the age of 28. The sudden death of her beloved husband toppled the delicate mental balance of the pregnant Queen. She gave way to a storm of grief. She could scarcely bare to be parted from the corpse and continued to caress it. From then on Juana wore only black. Many people believed that Philip had been poisoned by Ferdinand of Aragon, because they had been quarrelling constantly. Juana, too, may have wondered if her ambitious, Machiavellian father had poisoned her handsome husband. Philip's coffin was temporarily buried in a monastery near Burgos. Stories were spread that the mad Queen had the coffin opened every night and then embraced her beloved dead. In fact, Juana (to the right) did have the coffin opened once and then looked at her husband's remains, but not until five weeks after his death, as a response to rumours that his body had been stolen. When the wrappers were removed from the corpse, Juana began kissing its feet. She had to be removed from the vault with force. When Burgos was struck by a contagious disease, Juana decided to move to Torquemada. She wanted to take the coffin with her, because it was en route to Philip's final resting place, Granada. The coffin was opened for a second time to ensure that Philip's remains were still there. Thus, Juana had his coffin carried about on her journeying. It was guarded by an armed escort and she had ordered that females were to be kept at a distance. She travelled by night only and during the day they rested in monasteries, deliberately avoiding nunneries. When Juana was seized with labour pains on her gloomy procession in January 1507, she refused the help of midwives and gave birth alone to a daughter, Catalina. Meanwhile, the coffin was placed in a nearby church before the altar and Juana jealously ordered that women were forbidden to come near it. After four months she started out again with the coffin. When suddenly a storm broke, she refused to take shelter in a nunnery. Again she had the coffin opened to gaze at the smelling remains of her once handsome husband. She stopped in a little village and stayed there for some more months, keeping the coffin with her. When she received word that her father had returned from Naples, she opened the coffin a fourth time before she set out to meet her father. After his return, King Ferdinand had Juana shut away under close watch in the castle of Tordesillas. Once more, he took over the regency in her name. Juana's elder children, Charles, Eleonor, Isabella and Mary, had been left behind in The Netherlands and found a new mother in Philip's sister, Margaret of Austria. Juana clung desperately to her youngest daughter as a last relic of her adored husband. She thought her husband talked to her trough the prattling of her little daughter, and she guarded her jealously. She let Catalina (to the right) sleep in an alcove that could be reached only by crossing Juana's own room. The child's only amusement was to look out of a window, but no one dared to take the little Princess away from her hysterical mother. Two female servants kept them company. Ferdinand, King of Aragon, Catalonia, Valencia and the Balearics, died early 1516 without further surviving issue. Juana's son Charles came to Spain to claim his inheritance and took his sister Eleonor with him. First they went to visit their mother in Tordesillas. In a tower overlooking the river Duero, Juana lived with her daughter Catalina, then 10 years old. Charles was distressed by the sorry sight of his sister, who wore a sheepskin jacket, but he, too, left her with his mother3. He wrote to their guardian: "It seems to me that the best and most suitable thing for you to do is to make sure that no person speaks with Her Majesty, for no good could come of it." Juana's food, usually just bread and cheese, had to be left outside her door, because she refused to eat if anyone were there to witness it. Juana's madness is disputed, because Juana was clearly a victim of the power-hungry men around her. Her father, husband, and son all wanted to rule Castile for her. Their descriptions of her "hysterical tantrums" can easily be explained by her passionate nature and the ruthless way she was treated by her loved ones. One wonders if they would have left her youngest daughter with her, if Juana had really been a dangerous lunatic. Surely, she was moody, melancholic, hot-tempered, irresolute and extremely jealous, but those symptoms are not factual proof of madness. On the other hand, she much resembled her mad maternal grandmother, Isabel of Portugal, and strange behaviour was a distinct feature of her in-breed descendants. After all those centuries, it is impossible to determine if Juana merely suffered from a mild personality disorder or that she was actually mad. Early 1520, Charles V (to the right) paid another visit to his mother. In September rebels seized the town of Tordesillas and with it Juana la Loca. Mistrustful as always, Juana continued to ponder over their proposals and refused to sign anything. She was "released" by a sudden counter attack in December. Shut away in the castle of Tordesillas again, Juana survived her husband by half a century. When Charles V was informed of his mother's death on April 13, 1555 at the age of 75, the tiding induced his melancholy and thoughts of death. It made him advance the date of his abdication. Crippled with gout, he retired to prepare for his own departure from life.

脱离了大众的文化???

昨天大张旗鼓的组织同学们看了一回《疯狂的石头》，后悔的悬点儿吐血。简直是对不起网上的宣传。隔壁的张三笑得叉了气儿，妈妈看着看着就睡着了（前几天出血让妈妈看《加勒比海盗2》加上我的翻译，她也睡着了。所以应该没有崇洋媚外之嫌）。我吧，使劲儿想看出点门道儿来，结果就是觉得被导演的小把戏封住了笑腰穴，好歹都觉得没劲。于是我开始反思自己，为什么这么快就偏离了大众文化趣味？