传子不传女

我的传子不传女的秘密就是，我每天早晨都用强生婴儿润肤露，我每天晚上还是用强生婴儿润肤露。好几个美女早晨试图在我的梳妆台上发现护肤品，都诧异的说，你的脸每天往哪儿搁啊？这个秘密千万不能让我的女儿知道，她要笑掉大牙的。 为了省钱，每天用Burt's Bees After Sun Soother来当擦手油。各位看官问了，这个东西比强生贵多了，为什么只用来擦手。我贱贱地回答，因为喜欢瓶子上那个老头，不一会儿就要拿出来看看，心里才踏实。 早晨到中国领事馆，领略有中国特色的社会主义。和教育组的大姐楼上楼下的大了15分钟电话，她老人家就是不肯挪动屁股来接受我的材料。那我就给您放在门口吧！她说，丢了我可不管。天，那您收我们国家的俸禄干什么呢？ 要申请去香港的入境许可证，又烂又长的表格填起来没完没了。第三张纸上问有没有保证人，以及保证人的地址、电话、香港公民身份证。我一概不知，蹲在地上发愁。我忧愁了一刻钟，拿起表格再次端详了一下，在不起眼的角上，提到，如果没有保证人也中，请勾此栏。我吐血！距离香港又近了一步。可能12月初到中文大学交流，然后，我要玩个痛快。已经联系了大学的同学，在香港的人可真不少。看来花花世界还是挺吸引人才的。 中国人多的地方没人排队，我提前预习了一下，感觉很郁闷。校长早上说我已经美国化了，吃饭喝凉水，喜欢吃生的东西，还嗜酒。那啥，我冤枉啊！能喝豆浆我干吗非就和牛奶啊。不是没有吗！

The Way We Were

想给这个电影找到一个好的翻译。绞尽脑汁，辗转反侧，没有结果。比较合适的，似乎只有“曾经沧海难为水，除却巫山不是云”。看似简单的一个没有结局的爱情故事，看得我心惊肉跳。凯蒂简直就像是成人版的我—她对relationship的直率、坦诚地态度，她在感情和理智上的冲突，以及她对现实政治的态度。猫笑曰，大概我和凯蒂的差别就在于我还没有对自己的男友说那句经典的台词，”Come, I won’t touch you.” 根据维基不知道的介绍： The Way We Were is a 1973 American film which tells the story of Katie Morosky, an intense Jewish woman, who marries Hubbell Gardner, a carefree WASP, following World War II. Fundamental differences in outlook and personality – as revealed in their responses to the rise of McCarthyism – eventually pull them apart. Starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford, along with Bradford Dillman, Lois Chiles, Patrick O'Neal and Viveca Lindfors, the film is both a romance of star-crossed lovers and a morality tale about the importance of commitment. An underlying theme is the elusive quality and role of beauty: Externally, Hubbell's perfect features, aristocratic air, and self-assurance contrast with Katie's homeliness, awkwardness, and agitated yearning. But as the story unfolds, her sterling character emerges, while his gifts are squandered, untapped for any purpose beyond self-gratification. A bittersweet role reversal transpires, in which she blossoms as a true beauty, while he fades into slack insubstantiality (Streisand would later star in other films that reflect this trope, including A Star is Born and Yentl). 37岁的雷德福和29岁的史翠山德拉在电影中扮演这一对冤家。两个人来自不同的世界，但正是这些差异变成了巨大的吸引力。凯蒂在两个人的关系中一直居于主动的地位，她对哈贝的爱变成了对二人关系的期望、对哈贝事业的关心。对于天性懒散、出身于富家的哈贝来说，这些期望变成了巨大的压力。他们第一次分手时，哈贝不得不坦率的承认，you push too much! 与其说这是一部浪漫爱情电影，不如说它是对50年代麦卡锡主义时期的反思。美国人赖以生存的个人主义在这个时代演变成两种选择。一是远离政治冲突，以谋求自己的利益为根本，信仰个人幸福和成功。这是一种将个人和政府分割开来的做法，以出离政治的立场作为自己的挡箭牌。哈贝相信，在根本上人们不是由于对政治的热情和对真理的信仰而生存的，指导他们生存的是对强权和暴力的恐惧。这一点在布什的伊拉克战争中得到了充分的显现。布什利用美国人对政治的冷漠，使用fear作为工具，取得了公众的支持，进入了一场不正义的战争。另一种，则是挺身而出，一个人的力量来反对政府的强权和压迫，积极参与当下的政治事务，试图以个人的力量带动群体的自觉和自救。凯蒂相信如果政府是不正义的政府，个人有权利和义务寻求新的政治解决途径。她和哈贝的冲突，是信仰上的冲突。 影片中，史翠山德拉的表演充满了巨大的张力，她像随时准备爆发的火山。转瞬之间，她对哈贝又变得柔情似水。她将自己全部的爱和希望寄托在两个人的关系之上，为此她放弃了自己的事业，搬到加州以支持哈贝的工作。而对哈贝而言， 他不愿意也无法对感情和婚姻做出长久的承诺，对方的毫无条件的牺牲对他来说，不是祝福而是巨大的负担。在电影中，看着雷德福小心翼翼的闪转腾挪，避免陷入和史翠山德拉的关系，我不得不感叹，一个女人千万不可陷入自己想象的恋情。即便对方有太阳神的美貌和迪奥尼索斯的智慧，彻底地陷入对一个人的爱恋就会失去自己立足的根本，在这种万劫不复的关系中，除了失去就是失去。 可惜这样一部好电影，现在被人记住的，只有在Sex and City里面反复播放的那一段结尾。美国文化真是到了礼崩乐坏的阶段，70年代拍出来的带有巨大激情和深刻政治含义的电影，现在成了性喜剧片中被调侃的对象。所有的政治因素都被过滤了，剩下的只有一对男女的调情。现在不是凯蒂和哈贝的冲突，而是两个哈贝在斗法了。感觉上像是在和去了酒精的鸡尾酒，虽然甘甜，却难以让人沉醉。

最喜欢的瞬间不是电影的结尾，而是两个人在纽约的重逢。哈贝喝得烂醉，凯蒂拥抱着他，轻轻的呼唤，”Hubble, It’s Katie, It’s Katie”。然后，她哭了，他沉睡着，始终没有醒来。哎，人生若只如初见。

Friends with baby

One of my friends in UM just got her doctoral degree and is expecting her first baby in early Dec. In her thank-you note, she complimented all other girls in UM who completed their PH.D. Degree while they were pregnant had one baby, have two babies, or have more. Almost every one of them can handle the big fuss of having a baby, completing their dissertation, and finding amazing jobs. They are, really, superwomen I ever hear of. I am so proud of them! Using the sentence I learn today about the two-time Latvia Champaign of New York Marathon, they are in essence “a steady fist in a silk glove”.

On the second thought, I am ashamed about myself. Conceiving nothing, delivering nothing, and taking care of nobody. What a loser! Hanging on with my friend in THINK café at the corner yesterday night, we were chatting about our life and career in near future. The young kids from NYU were playing word puzzles and committed themselves to non-stop teasing and kissing. The comfort sofa we took gave a sense of hypothetical feeling of in the Central Perk Café. The ice cream melted down in our cups in these between hours of doing nothing.

The theme of our conversation focused on the possibility that we should stop to have fun and become responsible citizen and get into womanhood as soon as possible. In this grey zone of being a carefree and thirty-something girl, we surely have lots of fun. However, we fail to commit ourselves to anyone and any course. It seems inappropriate in the long run. For having family and kids are investment, according to Becker at least. The fun life we have now seemed cannot last forever. At certain point in time, we have to make some decisions. It is about the time. We cannot afford to be a modern time Paul Bowles—the age of wanderer is passing.

Late in night, watching Gone with the Wind again. Crying like a water fountain. Rhett Butler was such a non-committal jerk.

I have a bad feeling that I will eventually end up in the Barbara Strainsandra’s shoes as she was in The Way We Were. I hated when she said to Robert Redford in the end of the movie, “Your girl is lovely, Hubble!” It is a shame to always be the loser in a relationship.

Went to a group-dating event the day before yesterday. I did not think the guys showed genuine interests in the girls. I felt sad about those girls who had dressed up and wished to know someone nice and decent. It seemed to me that they were doomed to be disappointed because of the thin air of sympathy and compassionate feeling in this town.

A girl left our table earlier. She bended to pick up her weekly shopping bags which were weighted at least 15 pounds. No one was there to help. She knew nobody in the other table, got no chance to talk to someone intimately, and gave no phone number to anybody. She tried to walk out with dignity, but the bags were too heavy. She could not afford to walk out gracefully as she wished. She reminded me of this book I am reading, Camus’s The Stranger. The strange sense of alienation and distance and the unexplainable feeling of isolation.

The life in this town bears no similarities to Sex and City, or not what I am aware of. We have no $400 shoes, we have no Mr. Big at the other end of the phone, we don’t have the luxury to meet each Sunday morning and gossip over the brunch table. We get no baby, no job we love, and not a single consort at our disposal.

At the end of the day, we tell ourselves that we cannot indulge ourselves into a loser’s mindset. We should be proactive and have positive thinking about everything. This is just hard if is not totally unreachable.

I had this strange dream yesterday of participating a ratatouille competition. I had no recipe, no time to cook it properly, and I cried in desperation. Too much thinking about ratatouille and friends with baby makes me feel bad. I’d better go to gym and have a good workout to cheer up.