“Gosh, I Love America!”: A 2008 Campaign Quiz
by Paul Slansky
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2007/10/15/071015sh_shouts_slansky1. Two of these quotes are from Mike Gravel. Which one is from Mitt Romney?
(a) “I am prepared to tell you that Americans are getting fatter and dumber. I have no problem saying that.”
(b) “I think we at one point were fish coming out of the slime.”
(c) “Gosh, I love America!”
2. How did a Times editorial describe Rudolph Giuliani when he was mayor?
(a) “A human hand grenade.”
(b) “A pit bull with a comb-over.”
(c) “A clumsy wife-leaver.”
Who’s who?
3. Bob Allen.
4. Kristian Forland.
5. Thomas Ravenel.
(a) Bill Richardson’s field director in eastern Nevada, who resigned after it was revealed that he’d worked at a legal brothel and was wanted for writing bad checks.
(b) Rudy Giuliani’s South Carolina campaign chairman, who resigned after being indicted on cocaine charges.
(c) The campaign worker for John McCain who resigned after being arrested for soliciting sex in a Florida rest room.
6. After he came in second in the Iowa straw poll, Mike Huckabee said that the experience of being swarmed by the media was akin to what?
(a) “Britney Spears being released from prison.”
(b) “Lindsay Lohan shaving her head.”
(c) “Paris Hilton being photographed passed out in her car.”
7. Who is Janet Neff ?
(a) The reporter who wrote a story about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage.
(b) The judge whose nomination to a federal district court Sam Brownback tried to block because she had attended the same-sex commitment ceremony of a neighbor’s daughter four years earlier.
(c) The blogger on the John Edwards campaign who resigned after writing about George W. Bush’s “wingnut Christofascist base.”
8. Two of these candidates apologized for saying that American lives lost in the Iraq war had been “wasted.” Who apologized for saying that homosexuality was “a choice”?
(a) Bill Richardson.
(b) Barack Obama.
(c) John McCain.
9. Complete this statement by Newt Gingrich, who keeps threatening to enter the race: “I think it’s proven I’m _____.”
(a) not getting the Hispanic vote
(b) candidate material
(c) the kind of guy who leaves his wives as soon as they become ill
10. Two of these statements apply to Mitt Romney. Which one applies to Tom Tancredo?
(a) He said that his favorite novel is L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth,” though he pointed out that the author had not yet founded Scientology when he wrote it.
(b) He claimed to have been “a hunter pretty much all my life,” then admitted that he’d only rarely ever hunted, and “small varmints,” at that.
(c) He suggested that the United States “nuke Mecca.”
Who did what?
11. Fred Thompson.
12. Dennis Kucinich.
13. John Edwards.
14. Rudy Giuliani.
(a) Found his name often appearing in sentences containing the word “hair” or “haircut.”
(b) Answered a phone call from his wife in the middle of a speech to the N.R.A.
(c) Got laughed at when he referred to “my inauguration as President” in 2009.
(d) Found his name often appearing in sentences containing the word “lazy.”
15. At a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing, Joseph Biden referred to the queue of senators waiting to speak. How did he pronounce “queue”?
(a) “Kwa-you.”
(b) “Kway.”
(c) “Cue-you-ee.”
Who did what?
16. Hillary Clinton.
17. Chuck Hagel.
18. Barack Obama.
19. John McCain.
(a) Said that MoveOn.org, because of its ill-conceived “General Betray Us” ad, “ought to be thrown out of this country.”
(b) Was upset to learn that a formerly friendly mogul had switched candidates.
(c) Mistakenly said that “ten thousand people died” in a Kansas tornado that claimed twelve lives.
(d) Called a press conference to announce an unreadiness to announce anything.
20. Who is Jim Riches?
(a) The Fox News reporter who broke the erroneous story that Barack Obama attended a Muslim school.
(b) A business associate of the indicted Clinton fund-raiser Norman Hsu.
(c) The New York Fire Department deputy chief who said of Rudy Giuliani, “If somebody can tell me what he did on 9/11 that was so good, I’d love to hear it. All he did was give information on the TV.”
21. What did John McCain say could cause him to drop out of the race before the New Hampshire primary?
(a) “Forgetting which world leaders are still alive.”
(b) “Contracting a fatal disease.”
(c) “Getting caught in a men’s-room stall with Larry Craig.”
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