Ching Ching Cha

A tea house at silent cornor of George Town. A unexpected happy encounter during my stay at D.C. last week. The owner is Ching Ching from Hongkong, and she had operated the house for 8 years. She believed less is more and refused to make any change of its simplistic style. The tea was good and the dessert and lunch menu were really good. The tea house tried to cut you from your desire to "have more"--drink and eat more sophsticated stuff, think and play more, or even have more people. I was surprised that the tea house can survive for so long withoug comprimising its idea. Maybe that is one of amazing thing about belief!

Literature and Citizenship: A Conversation with Arthur Danto and Orhan Pamuk

"Literature and Citizenship" is part of the Havel at Columbia program sponsored by the Columbia University Arts Initiative.

Arthur Danto is Johnsonian Professor Emeritus Philosopy at Columbia University. Professor Danto has been with Columbia since 1951, a professor since 1966. He has been the recipient of many fellowships and grants including two Guggenheims, ACLS, and Fulbright. Professor Danto has served as Vice-President and President of the American Philosophical Association, as well as President of the American Society for Aesthetics. He is the author of numerous books, including Nietzsche as Philosopher, Mysticism and Morality, The Transfiguration of the Commonplace, Narration and Knowledge, Connections to the World: The Basic Concepts of Philosophy, and Encounters and Reflections: Art in the Historical Present, a collection of art criticism which won the National Book Critics Circle Prize for Criticism, 1990. His most recent book is Embodied Meanings: Critical Essays and Aesthetic Meditations. Art critic for The Nation, he has also published numerous articles in other journals. In addition, he is an editor of the Journal of Philosophy and consulting editor for various other publications.

Orhan Pamuk, the internationally acclaimed Turkish novelist and memoirist, won the 2006 Nobel Prize for Literature.

Mr. Pamuk is a Fellow with Columbia University’s Committee on Global Thought and will hold an appointment in Middle East and Asian Languages and Cultures and at the School of the Arts. His work has been translated into more than 40 languages and he has received numerous prestigious international prizes, including Le Prix Mediterranee etranger, the Prix Medicis, the Ricarda Huch Prize, and honorary membership in the American Academy of Arts and Letters. A native of Istanbul, Mr. Pamuk was also a visiting scholar at Columbia University from 1985 to 1988.

Date:	Thursday, November 2nd, 7:30 p.m.
Location:	Miller Theater
Contact:	Members of the Press who wish to attend this event should contact Anne Burt at 212-854-7884 or ab2673@columbia.edu
Reservations:	Tickets are free but reservations are required: http://havel.columbia.edu/literature.html

Levitan: Spring Flood

Kuindzhi: After the Rain

Repin: Dragonfly

Tropinin: The Lace Maker

Mother of God

兰因絮果

休恋逝水，苦海回身，早悟兰因

Haunted House

My first and only haunted house experience, Oct 28, 2006. I found out I don't like stranger to touch me or spread water on my face, while screaming loudly. Although I like to try something new, this is a little bit over the edge.

《锁麟囊》

Best group picture I ever saw

去时陌上花如锦，今朝楼头柳又青

老六 （http://pigu6.yculblog.com/）和王晓峰老师（www.wangxiaofeng.net）的互为表里，把北京糜烂的文人生活入木三分的表现出来，让人只有流口水的份儿。老六自己的《读库》是阳春白雪，而他对于京剧，具体地说是张火丁老师的痴迷，让所有的戏盲艳羡和嫉妒。具体地说，按摩乳说他可以忍受别人比他强，但是不能忍受别人比他贱。嘻嘻！他的《迷火记》，《济南行》，以及之前我转载的《关于毛片的记忆》，都是佳作。此处又转载她《济南行》的图片。张火丁老师的《锁麟囊》。

世界，人，思绪，一言以蔽之：乱！（北大未名）

拥抱真是个奇怪的东西，明明靠的那么近，却看不见彼此的脸……（转载请注明天涯社区开心乐园） 辛苦了大半辈子，终于在北京郊区买了套房子，交款那天我流着泪用颤抖的手掏出手机准备告诉家里人，谁知开机画面却显示：河北移动欢迎您……（水木社区）

亲爱的长腿叔叔，你睡了吗？

Today you mentioned Shunryu Suzuki's book , Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, and I decided to read it once I have time. The last book from you, "Take a Step No Matter How Small: Yoga for Depression", I liked it very much. It is simple, but with lots of meanings.

You must have a good laugh when you saw I could not able to manage to do the "flying position", as I named it, in today's class. The good news was I felt really good when I did the shoulderstand, I felt steady and straight.

I am kind of very slow in learning, especially when I have to learn new sports. You help me with those "impossible positions" which I really appreciate, such as the headstand and upward facing dog post. Am I particually aweful in some positions, what makes you laugh when you see me in those uncomfortable twists?

You always make us laugh in class, that is dangeous for some positions! Your hands are always cold, but your elbows are warm, why? When you bent your leg backwards today, I can not help thinking you might be a robot rather than a human being, aren't you?

Holy Madness and Halloween Extravaganza

Once I visited the Rubin Museum of Art and encountered a very interesting exhibition, titled “Holy Madness”. The exhibition introduced several extraordinary saints in couple of Indian religions (including Buddhism and Bon-- Bon was the indigenous religion of Tibet that, when partly absorbed by the Buddhist traditions introduced from India in the 8th century, gave Tibetan Buddhism much of its distinctive character). Those individuals achieved enlightment through their uncommon behavior and personal philosophy—the mundane world is never of their concerns. In the western tradition, there is similar trace of thoughts. 从酒神迪奥尼索斯（Dionysus， the Thracian god of wine, represents not only the intoxicating power of wine, but also its social and beneficial influences. He is viewed as the promoter of civilization, a lawgiver, and lover of peace — as well as the patron deity of agriculture and the theater. He was also known as the Liberator (Eleutherios), freeing one from one's normal self, by madness, ecstasy, or wine) 到苏格拉底，对于尼采而言，神圣的癫狂和理性一样都是西方文明的底蕴。神圣的癫狂在历史和文学的传统中屡见不鲜。歌德的《浮士德》是对于情感最真挚的思考，也是对于理性狂迷的反思。比才的《卡门》，虽然在歌剧中是一出名剧，但是多数的批评如同对于梅里美原著的批评一样，偏重于对个人爱情悲剧的探讨，而忽略了神圣的癫狂在其中地体现。

《卡门》的故事情节简洁，人物性格看似非常鲜明，以下是维基百科全书的简单介绍：”Carmen is a French opera by Georges Bizet. The libretto was written by Meilhac and Halévy, based on the story of the same title by Prosper Mérimée. The story concerns the eponymous Carmen, a beautiful gypsy with a fiery temper. Not careful with her love, she is responsible for the downfall of many men. She woos the corporal Don José, leading him to mutiny against his superior. His infatuation causes him to join a band of smugglers, of which Carmen is a member. He is happy with Carmen for a brief period, but is driven to madness when she turns from him to the bullfighter Escamillo…… Because Bizet shied away from the traditional image of an operatic femme-fatale, Carmen became a difficult character to understand (or portray on stage). She is fatalistic and hedonistic, living entirely in the present moment. Her beauty unintentionally entraps men, who are then led to their downfall by their own misguided ideas of love. Carmen's character is best illustrated in the card-playing scene, in which she accepts the premonition of death as unavoidable” 。

《卡门》中的两个主人公各执一端，都是固执到了顶点。卡门信仰爱的自由和笃信命运之说，不肯为了生命而屈从于他人的意志。对于她而言，如果命运已经注定，那么她坦然接受死亡的安排，但是她拒绝接受违心的爱情。她对于爱和自由的执著已经近于癫狂的境地，她不能也不愿意接受任何的妥协。她的疯狂源于对于被禁锢的女性地位的恐惧、对于自由的渴望，以及对于爱情的极度渴望和不信任。一曲《爱情是只自由鸟》将她的性格刻画得入木三分，曲中唱到“爱情就像是个吉普赛孩子，他永远也学不会循规蹈矩”。以她的性格，大概也只有《弄臣》中的公爵可以匹配，此公也有歌云《善变的女人》（La Donna E Mobile）。唐何塞的疯狂不亚于卡门，他对于爱情的理解简单至极，爱情对他而言和军队无异，不过是服从和被服从的关系，只有忠诚和不忠诚两种选择。与其说他为了卡门，还不如说他为了自己的欲望，选择了背叛。他背叛了自己从前的爱人、母亲和家庭、军队和荣誉。而他却要求卡门绝对的忠诚，丝毫不能忍受被背叛的痛苦。他的癫狂来自于他极度的自私和占有欲，没有任何理性和感性的基础。他对于卡门的爱情，不如说是他对于自己对卡门爱情的爱情。他的癫狂是人类欲望的展开，是悲剧性的人性侧面，亦即所谓的欲壑难填。用张爱玲的话来讲，他对于米塞拉和卡门的选择不过是对于白玫瑰和红玫瑰的选择—如果选择了白玫瑰，日子久了，不过是衣物上干瘪的饭粒；如果选择了红玫瑰，日子久了，也不过是墙上的一滩蚊子血。但是，一旦他失去了选择的地位，变成了被动的一方，他就难以忍受了，愤怒了，杀人了。真真的没有一点儿意思。难怪朋友看完了《卡门》，长叹一声，感慨下辈子要做个男人，此言不虚！

此前写过万圣节和马拉松是纽约的两副面孔，其实万圣节也是难得一年一次发疯的日子。早早赶到圣约翰大教堂买了夜场鬼片的票子，揣在怀里，好像冬天捧着烤白薯，觉得四肢百骸无不舒服。6点半到场的时候，银幕前的观众席早已座无虚席，大大小小的孩子和父母们挤满了教堂。由于正在进行修建，整个教堂的大厅被分为了两半，银幕在教堂原先正中的位置，观众们则聚集在祭坛这半边教堂。早先也到圣约翰堂来参观过，但是多是白天来或者圣诞节来，光线明亮，充满了祥和的气氛。但是今夜的圣约翰弥漫着森森的鬼气，整个教堂的照明光线都是红色的，银幕上是狰狞地笑着的南瓜头，教堂的天顶上是一轮新月，下面飘荡着几个新鬼的剪影。到处都是蜡烛，除了祭坛和献弥撒的供桌上，地面和楼梯上也都是盈盈的烛光。尤其是祭坛的信众席两侧和祭坛上，一层一层的红色蜡烛，和血色的灯光混合在一起，产生了一种诡异的美。我们选了合唱队的位置坐下，我们的头顶上就是巨大的管风琴。一个大提琴手戴着鬼面具，坐在悠悠的烛光之下，以神秘的节奏将观众引入梦境。

血色笼罩的祭坛上，管风琴突然发出巨大的颤音，演出开始了。管风琴的演奏者是著名的音乐家Ralph Lee, 所以整场演出就以他的名字命名。他用音乐为默片伴奏，呈现出老恐怖片最好的效果。今晚演出的电影是1922年的Nosferatu （F. W. Murnau's Nosferatu (1922), the earliest important screen adaptation of Bram Stoker's 1897 novel Dracula. Murnau's version of the story is an allegorical tale about a love triangle formed by a young married couple and a vampire. The movie isn't scary in a panic-inducing sort of way, but it is eerie, unsettling, and haunting）。这个电影现在看起来更像是一部搞笑片，因为其中的恐怖情节在现在的观众眼里有点太小儿科了。有趣的是，因为好久没看过无声电影了，所以觉得好像在阅读一部电影而不是看电影。荧幕上过于舞台化的表演没有让人觉得做作，反而增添了幽默的元素。好人就是好人，魔鬼就是魔鬼，一清二楚，明明白白。与现在电影含混、模糊、复杂而不知所云的风格相比，1922 年的导演和演员们真是天使。

最令我诧异的管风琴能表现出如此丰富的内容和情感。Lee 不仅随着情节的展开，用不同的旋律来描述主人公的情感和反映，而且善于营造由于语言的缺失电影所缺少的气氛。虽然没有色彩和语言，我不仅没觉得影片缺少了任何东西，相反地，音乐带来了意想不到的充实感觉。管风琴善于演奏幻想曲（fantacy）和回旋曲，影片一开始，新婚夫妇二人的甜蜜世界就从连绵不绝的乐音中铺展开来。随着故事的展开，音乐开始变得阴暗和寒冷。我转过头，凝视着血红色的祭坛，天空一样高的穹顶，若隐若现的吊灯的微光，一切都真实的像梦境一样。管风琴发出的巨大声音在空气中震动着，我甚至能感到背后墙面的振颤。巨大的悲悯和恐惧通过乐音送入每个观看者的耳和心，带给人难以置信地感动和眩晕。是的，简直就是眩晕的感觉。好像不是你在倾听管风琴的演奏，而是有人把你至于管风琴巨大的音箱当中，让你随着乐器的振颤而振颤，让你的头脑陷入了神圣的癫狂状态当中。电影中年轻的妻子再也无法忍受吸血鬼的诱惑，从床上爬起来，要求丈夫向教授求援。她的丈夫走后，吸血鬼到来了，一瞬间观众们如释重负。随着雄鸡的啼鸣，吸血鬼因为吸食了这个纯洁女人的鲜血而死去。有点过于简单的结局，索性导演没有过于的煽情。电影结束了。

随着银幕暗淡下来，银幕下的舞台逐渐从黑暗中显现出来。红色的背景在逐渐升起的液氮雾气中，隐约可见。雾气渐浓，从幕后闪出来一个接一个的大鬼小鬼。最前面的好像是个牛魔王，盯着红色的犄角，打扮得和梅菲斯特一般无二，只是缺少那条著名的尾巴。随后倾巢而出的小鬼儿，各有来头。一时之间，从舞台上走下来你的恶梦中的种种人物。他们或蹦或跳，各显神通，对过道两边的孩子们极尽恐吓之能事。有的鬼怪身材及其高大，有的又矮小的像是孩子，有的丑陋，有的滑稽，有的身披轻纱婆娑起舞，有的足登高跷蹒跚而行。最妙的是一个蹬着婴儿面具的小丑，她步伐轻盈，但是总是装出醺醺的醉态，好像随时要摔倒的样子。西方的小鬼们虽丑，但是却不像我们的那么吓人，多是介于滑稽和恐怖中间的样子。所谓的Extravaganza，就是他们的游行和狂欢。疯狂的孩子们早被他们调动的兴奋异常，时刻准备着尖叫和开怀大笑。大人们要拿着手机对着游行的队伍拍照，又要把孩子揽在怀里，防止他们去野蛮地扯下魔鬼的大鼻子，简直不知如何措手足。管风琴发出类似于大笑和嚎叫的声音，乐音在穹顶上回响。我最喜欢的是在游行队伍最后的一个小丑，他孤独地挥舞着一根长长的杆子，杆子的头上系着长长的黑色丝带，上面绘制着蛇的骨骼。他是如此写意地挥舞着长杆，仿佛在世界的尽头呼唤着爱。那黑色的丝带还像是黑色的蛇在血色的空中游走，拨开白色的烟雾，把人的注意力带到不知名的彼岸。那黑色的线条割开了时间和空间，割开了人鬼的界限，一切的过往都消失了，我们仿佛都变成了卡门，那个只活在当下（dasein）的灵魂。那黑色的身影逐渐向祭坛的后面退去，只余下我们在这神的殿堂里，在生死界之间徘徊。在神的殿堂里演出魔鬼的戏剧，大概是西方文化中独一无二的幽默。这种参透生死执著的表演所表达的，就是神圣的癫狂。在这癫狂当中，人看到生的短暂，死亡的欢乐，也就因此变得无所畏惧，感到神充满了他的灵魂。现代人，我们这些只活在当下的人，既缺少对于生的敬意，也缺少对于死亡的畏惧，由是也就丧失了体悟那神圣癫狂的机会。只有在万圣节降临，夜幕四合，灵魂出壳的当儿，我们才走进神那陌生的殿堂，在无声的银幕前坐下，抚摸我们粗糙的灵魂和肉体。临了，人们走出剧场时的那一声叹息，在十月末的夜风中，怎么听起来都觉得凄凉。也罢，命运自有安排啊！

Gilda or Anna

This season, Met Opera has a new production of Rigoletto and I went yesterday for its season premier. Met is famous for Enrico Caruso’s version of Rigoletto where he played the Duke of Mantua. In this season, Met introduces a new conductor Friedrich Haider and Juan Pons plays the Jester and Joseph Calleja has his debute as the Duke. As usual, the splendid night at Met always makes me nervous. However, I am luck enough to have two queers as my neighbors and their non-stopping talking made the intermissions bearable. Yesterday New Jersey court just announced same-sex couple would enjoy the same right as hetero-sex couple, and CNN took it as breaking news. This was certainly a side point. I had some ideas about the storyline and the program notes gave detailed description of the production of the original opera. The story by Verdi was adopted from Victor Hugo’s play. As it was suggested, Verdi was more of a humanistic in nature while Hugo openly criticized the class structure. So Verdi’s adaptation changed the location and names of the play, but kept the major storyline and the core theme of the play—the curse upon the jester, who was cold and cruel outside but very compassionate inside. According to wikipedia: “ Rigoletto is an opera in three acts by Giuseppe Verdi. The Italian libretto was written by Francesco Maria Piave based on the play Le roi s'amuse by Victor Hugo. It was first performed at La Fenice in Venice on March 11, 1851. According to Opera America, Rigoletto is now North America's ninth most performed opera.” A hit from start, Rigoletto was a tragedy full of tension. The double role of Rigoletto as a loving father and as a “fool” in the court gradually leads to his ruins. The Duke is portrayed as a womanizer who never takes women or love seriously. However, in the very process of pursuing Gilda, Rigoletto’s beautiful daughter, he finds his real compassion. Once he finds Gilda is abducted from Rigoletto’s house, he regrets he lose the only chance in his life that might have convert him into a honest man for love. Ekaterina Siurina gave a wonderful performance as Gilda, the innocent mind full of love. The structure of the play is simple, a story of a dishonored father who seeks just revenge but fails. However, Verdi and Piave (who wrote the libretto) refused to give their figures a simple identity but rather put them into dilemma—who were both victims and criminals. Rigoletto participated the Duke’s conspiracy of wooing other women and his own daughter was disgraced by the Duke. The Duke could have the chance to start a meaningful life because of his love for Gilda, however, he gave it up for his lust for her body. Gilda was guilty of blind love for the Duke and was suffered when she observed the Duke seduced Maddalena. The trick of the play is not only the curse of Count Monterone whose daughter the Duke had dishonoured, but also the issue of identity. Gilda constantly asked her father about the real family name and history of her family, about her mother, and who her father really was. Rigoletto refused to answer and could not answer. He was suffering because of his fate as a humpback and a ruthless entertainer in Duke’s court. He was a man without name. The Duke who disguised himself before Gilda was also a man without real identity. He flirted and chased the skirts without knowing his own purpose. His love was shallow and superficial because his love was without a cause. In the end of the play, Gilda decided to sacrificed herself for the life of the Duke, her lover. Rigoletto could not bear the pain of losing his daughter and lamented “the curse!” by her body. I can not help thinking about another movie, Immortality, directed by Po-Chih Leong. In the film, Jude Law played a ruthless vampire who took women’s love and life. He falled in love with Anna and he believed her perfect love for him would save him from the fate of vampire. The most touching scene for me was the morning after they get up, Steven (jude law) started a portrait for Anne with one hand and wrote a love poetry for her with other hand. Nevertheless, when the moment of truth came, Steven decided to kill Anne to save his own life. Anne refused to sacrifice herself for his sake and she tried to kill herself rather than being killed by Steven. Steven gave it up in the end and died in his own chamber. Before he died, he finally found peace in his mind and he did not have to worry about how to survive anymore. In his last breathe, he found the pleasure of letting go. Gilda and Anne make different choice and the men they loved are evil. Maybe it is because the time is changed and our values change as well. Will you choose to play Gilda or Anne when you meet your evil man?

Match Point

Wikipedia introduction about Match Point (2005, Woody Allan)

"The story is a fable about the role that luck plays in determining everyone's destiny. As protagonist Chris Wilton notes in an opening voice-over: The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.

Structural and thematic similarities exist between the movie and two novels, Dreiser's An American Tragedy and Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. The movie also bears notable similarities in plot and theme to a previous movie of Allen's, Crimes and Misdemeanors. Perhaps the most influence stems from the 1964 Truffaut film The Soft Skin, in which a married man also has an affair that ends up in shotgun related murder.

The film's plot mirrors the novel An American Tragedy and the film A Place in the Sun, which also involve a poor man who, through the possibility of marriage to a wealthy woman, resorts to murdering a poor pregnant girlfriend in order to preserve his chances at a new life of wealth and privilege.

Opera connoisseurs have noted that the arias and opera extracts make an ironic commentary on the actions of the characters and sometimes foreshadow developments in the movie's narrative. The Caruso arias are intercut with extracts from contemporary performances which the characters attend over the course of the film. There are scenes at the Royal Opera House and elsewhere performed by opera singers, accompanied by a piano and not, as is usual, by an orchestra. Arias and extracts include work by Verdi (in particular Otello and Rigoletto), Donizetti's L'elisir d'amore, Bizet's Les pêcheurs de perles, Carlos Gomes' Salvatore Rosa and Gioachino Rossini's Guillaume Tell. "

If I only allow to use three words to describe this film, they will be: luck, lust and lost. It is a typical Woody Allan film, although it immediately reminds me about Montgomery Clift's A Place in the Sun (1955). I love Montgomery Clift's performance in that classic tragedy of social climber: he played a role tortured by ambition and tried to find aim of his life. Clift himself is a tragic figure in his off-screen life and his life had been described as a life-long pursuing of suicide. The darkside of his mind made him a perfect actor. In comparision, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is a different type of actor. He wins his fame as independent film actor early in his life and his unforgettable role in Velvet Goldmine (1998) makes him a symble of fatal pop star. He also acts in some not decent films, such as Mission Impossible III. He is not afraid to show his sensitivity and vulnerable in moives, but his weakness makes him a more convincing character.

Match Point resembles the Closer in some respect. In both films, individuals try to find relationship which could satisfy both their body and mind and fail both ways. In Closer, Jude Law played this sick writer who could have win his true love but took a shortcut and ruined the whole thing. In Match Point, Chris (by Jonathan Rhys-Meyers) would have the option of not marrying Cholye and choose Noah, but he could not afford to lose the quality of life his marriage to Cholye conveyed. What differs in the two films is that in Closer, the film investigates the minds of males and females in the relationship; but in Match Point, we only observe Chris's mind. On the surface, the film emphasizes the importance of luck in individual's life; but the underlying theme is the unavoidable lust which pushes people ahead.

balcony

Rain

Past time

一生做一次孤儿--艾柯

那些生活在幸福和爱中的人们常常抱怨，他们得不到任何爱，于是他们反抗，他们出走，因为他们从来就没有失去过爱。 　　一无所有后才会无所不有，失去后才会珍惜所有，学会施与才懂得感恩，这是我在《长腿叔叔》中所读到的更多的东西。 　　每个女孩子在看了《长腿叔叔》后都希望自己自己变成一个孤儿，羡慕那种无拘无束和自由放任的生活，幻想着也能够遇到自己的白马王子——长腿叔叔。而我想告诉大家的是，生活需要奇迹，而最大的奇迹就是你自己。 　　给你爱的人和爱你的人亲笔写封信，无论他们远在天涯还是近在咫尺——如果能做到这一点，也就达到了我们出版这本书信体小说的目的了。

长腿叔叔

昨晚你睡了吗?我没有，一夜没有合眼。我太惊喜，太兴奋又太糊涂了。我想我再也睡不着了，再也吃不下饭了。不过我希望你要睡觉，你得睡，这样你才能快些好起来，来到我身边。 　　亲爱的人，一想到你病得如此严重，就让我心痛——而我在这之前却毫不知情。昨天医生送我下楼上车时，告诉我3天来他们几乎放弃希望了。喔，我最亲爱的，真是如此，对我而言这世界的希望也都将随你而去。我想将来的某一天——在遥远的未来——我们其中一人必须先行离去，不过至少已经幸福地生活在一起过了，会有许多值得回忆的东西。 　　我想要让你高兴起来——首先必须先让我自己高兴起来。尽管我比做梦都还要快乐，但我也更清醒了。害怕出什么事情，这个念头如同阴影一般笼罩在我的心头。以前我无牵无挂，对什么都满不在乎，因为没有什么东西可以失去。可是从今以后，我将无休止地担心。只要你一离开我身边，我就会想到汽车可能会撞到你，招牌可能会掉下来砸到你的头。我的心将永不得安宁——不过，我一点也不太在乎平静的安宁。 　　请快点好起来，快点，再快点。我要你紧靠在我身边，我可以触摸到你，确信你是真实的。我们在一起只有短短的半小时啊!我深怕我是在做梦。如果我是你家族的一员该多好，这样我就可以天天去看你，念书给你听，为你理好靠枕，抚平你那两条额纹，笑得露出嘴角。你现在情绪好些了吗?昨天我走的时候你情绪很好，医生说我一定是个好护士，你看起来一下子年轻了10岁。恋爱可不要让每个人都年轻10岁。如果我变成只有11岁，你还在乎我吗? 　　昨天是我一生最美妙的一天。即使我活到99岁，我也忘不了那一个个细节。清晨离开洛克威洛的那个女孩子与晚上回来的判若两人。山普太太4点半时叫我起床，我在黑暗中惊醒，第一个闪入我脑中的念头是：“我要去见长腿叔叔!”我借着厨房里的烛光吃过早餐，然后穿过10月最壮观的景色，坐着马车走了5里路到火车站。我看着太阳冉冉升起，枫树和山花鲜红橙黄一片，空气清新、干净并充满希望。我知道有好事正等着我。一路上，轮子不断唱着：“你就要见到长腿叔叔了。”这让我有一种安全感。我对叔叔的处事能力有信心。我也知道，在某处有另一位男人——比长腿叔叔更亲爱的——正等着要见我，我预感到这次一定能见到他。结果，你瞧! 　　我抵达麦迪逊大街，高大的棕色房子令人生畏。我不敢贸然走进去，徘徊了很久才鼓起勇气。其实我根本不用怕，你的秘书是这么好的一个人，让我有宾至如归的感觉。“是艾伯特小姐吗?”他问我。我回答说：“是的。”我根本不用提史密斯先生。他让我在客厅等候。这是一间庄严、华丽的富有男人气息的房子。我坐在一张舒服的大椅子上，不断对自己说：“我要见到长腿叔叔了!我要见到长腿叔叔了!” 　　不一会儿，秘书回来请我到书房去。我激动得双脚真的都快不听使唤了。在书房门口，他回头低声地说：“小姐，他病得很严重。医生今天才同意他下床。请不要停留太久，使他过于激动。”从他说话的样子就知道他很爱你——我因此也对他产生了好感。 　　他敲了门并说：“艾伯特小姐来了。”然后我走进去，门在我身后带上了。 　　从明亮的走廊走进暗淡的书房，一时间我什么东西也看不见。慢慢地我看见壁炉前有张大的安乐椅。我看出来有个人坐在大椅子里，周围满是靠枕，膝上有一张毯子。我还来不及阻止他，他已经站起来了——有点颤抖——看着我不发一语。然后……然后……我看到那是你啊!不过就算这样我还是不明白。我以为是长腿叔叔让你来那儿见我，好给我个惊喜。 　　你笑着伸出手，说道：“亲爱的小茱蒂，你猜不到我就是长腿叔叔吗?” 　　这想法一瞬间掠过我脑海。喔，我多么笨呀!有100件小事可能都告诉了我，如果我够聪明的话。我做不了好警探。是吗?叔叔——杰维?我该怎么称呼你?只是叫杰维显得一点都不尊敬，我应该对你表示敬意的。 　　我们度过了非常甜蜜的半个小时，医生来把我赶走了。我恍恍惚惚抵达车站时，差点搭上往圣路易斯的火车。而你也激动得忘了请我喝茶。但我们都非常非常快乐，不是吗?我摸黑驾车回到洛克威洛——喔，天上星光闪烁!今早我带着柯林斯走遍所有我们一起去过的地方，而且记得你说的话，当时的情形。今天树林呈现出一片青铜色，空气冷冽清新，是登山的好天气。我真希望你在这儿陪我爬山。我想你想得不得了，亲爱的杰维。这种思念是愉快的，我们会很快就能在一起了。此刻我们心已相属，真真实实地!我终究有了归属，这有点奇怪吧?这似乎是一种非常非常甜蜜的感觉。 　　我今后将不让你有片刻的伤心。 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　你永远并始终如一的 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　莱蒂 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　星期四早晨 又及：　　 　　这是我写的第一封情书。我不晓得它是不是很好笑?

Shopping for good news

I never try extensive shopping for 6 hours. Jingqin told me the best part was enjoying the fun of shopping and buying nothing. We spent hours in T.J. Max and tried to find the perfect bags for the coming winter. The fashion trend for this winter was red bag, so we dived into the sea of red bags. Once we were officially exhausted and ready to check out, we found the checkout line was a mile long. So we put down our bags and left, taking the fun part with us.

When we went over old CDs in the flea market, she confessed she might find the Mr. Right under my interegation. I was so happy for her (and in fact I can not help calling my mom this great news) and she really deserved a good guy. In the crowed subway train back home, I could not help teasing her that there was at least one good thing about that guy: he has the ability to appreciate her and keeps her good company with jokes and sincerity . She laughed. I guess for her, there will be a sweet November in San Francisco.

Good luck, my dear friend!

Come Back

To catch the Zen lecture at Temple of Enlightment, I got up at 7:30am yesterday and took the train to Bronx. I bathed in the morning sun light and felt delighted. The temple was more like a Yoga classroom, plain and spacious. Before the meditation began, I went to the kitchen with Charlie and helped others with cooking. The meditation part was physically stressful for me. The length of each session is about an hour, and we had to keep the correct position. The lights were turned down and it was very quiet. The temptation of going to sleep was very strong. In theory, one should not think about other matters but concentrate on pursuing enlightment. But there were many things on my mind and I can not help jumping from issues to issues. After the first meditation session, the teacher (from Taiwan) started to talk about the arrangement of the 10 days Zen leture. Then he began to teach how to seat to avoid pain, how to position yourself so that you can easily focus on meditation, and what was meant to cut off your six senses. He had a lengthy discussion about being alive and being dead, and he was a very articulated teacher who can embed the buddism teaching in personal stories and jokes. Because I have no previous exposure to Zen and its canons, it was kind of difficult for me to follow his every word. After the lecture, it was another hour of meditation and the teacher walked around with his wooden sword to catch lossy students who falled into sleep or wandering their minds. I left after the second meditation session to meet my yoga teacher at gym. I told Hugh I felt depressed recently and asked about how to deal with it with some yoga excercise. Hugh brought me a little illustrated book by his teacher, about some short sequences of yoga positions to handling three types of depressions. He showed me some positions and then he asked why I felt depressed. So I told him the story and my current situation. He thought for a while and started to recall his personal experience of being depressed and how yoga could help. He said yoga would not take you away from your troubles, but to let you feel strong enough to handle them. Different people have different reactions to various posts and I should practice different sequences to find the appropriate way to release my pressure. He said I should be sensitive to my body and feelings and overcome those destructive behaviors, such as watching TV all the time which I did. I felt kind of embarrasing to talk about my personal concerns initially, but much relaxed afterwards. Hugh said when one was in trouble, it was good to talk with friends and consider other options. I agree with that, but the fact that I can not do anything in my current situation makes me very sad. In fact, Hugh's suggestions are similiar to what I got from Dr. Flaxaman the day before. I went to talk to him about my situation and asked about university procedures. He listened to me very carefully, and wrote down my narratives, and asked many important questions. He thought I was overwhelminly intimidated by the situation and was blind to many of my talking points and options. In fact, he thought my advisor had indeed gave me the solutions, to some extent. Given the situation, the best and only option for me at the moment was to wait. I was so obsessed with my own troubles and forgot to take care of my friends. Actually I feel grateful that many of them take their time to talk with me. I have got used to call Liang and Sis every time I am in hot water, and I count on them as professional and rational support. To talk with Yan, she always gives me some personal insights about the issue and let me know I am not the only person who suffer in the world. David trusts me and tells me his opinion from faculty's perspective. Jingqin and Allan call me to send their carings. Fang and her mom hosted me when I were very much depressed and falled into illness. Charlie who wishes to save me with Zen teaching gives me the opportunity to know many wonderful people. And Hugh, sent me the little book with the following poetry on the cover: This being human is a guest house, Every morning a new arrival; A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes, as unexpected guest; Welcome and entertain them all, even if they are crowds of sorrows, who violently sweep your home, empty of its funitures; Still, treat each guest honorably, for he may be clearing you out some new delight; The dark thought, the shame, the malice, Meeting them at the door laughing and invite them in; For whatever comes, they come as a guide from the beyond.

A Wish

Someone will come to me and tell me what happend to me is just a joke.

I apologized

I did it. After a long hesitation, I made an apology which I should make two years ago. It is really hard, but I believe I should do it and I did it. With little embarrasement on both sides, James took it very well and we even chated a bit afterwards. He suggested we should keep on talking about what I wish to do after graduation. I feel so relaxed and confused. Is it I am not as guilty as I thought I was? Or James did not take it very personally and just as a matter of work? I certainly am the person to be blamed and felt ashamed, but why I was not taking any action to show my regret in the past? Is it that I do not have the courage to do it? Or I don't think it is important to do it at all? Am I learning a lesson from my past? Am I not suffered enough for what I have done and have not done? Is it an end of the past or a start anew, or boht? Is it so hard to confess that I was wrong and I have learnt from my mistakes? At the end of the day, what really matters? Tom gave a great presentation about fundraising and told a lots of personal stories. He is so expereience in some many aspects, why I have not learnt a thing in the past years? What should we learn from our advisor and how should we learn it? James says research becomes more and more a collaborateive work nowdays, not an individulistic pursue of truth. So what have I done in the past two years? Could my life be different if I were still part of the research team at CCRC? Given I am alone on my research, what could I do differently in the past two years? I know life is not about questioning myself all the time. But when I stop and reflect, I am terrified about what I have not learnt from my mistakes and repeat them over and over again. What really comes out of me? Life is too short to not to think, not to reflect and not to do anything to change. So I apologize to others and to myself. Being true and frank, being warm and helpful, and being cruious and befing reflective always, you stupid coward!

Sorry

I told a lie today and I feel sorry about it. I did not get AERA dissertation grant, not because I was not eligible (I have hold another grant), but because my work was not up to the standard of the Review Committee. They actually turned me down (no policy relevance). I read the Reader yesterday night before bed. Michael found out Hanna left him not because he betrayed her and denied her, but because she did not want to be found as an illiterate. He did not feel less guilty because of this, since he still betrayed her. If he was not guilty of betraying a criminal, he would be guilty of loving a criminal. Michael asked his father if he had a better judgement about Hanna's situation, whether or not he could act on her behalf to save her. His father replied, he could not do that because of the freedom of will and liberty. Instead, he could inform Hanna about her choice and his advice. However, it was not an option for him. What is so good about telling the truth?

Being Julia and Closer

Two wonderful movies for a single night is a luxury. After the humous and cheerful comedy, Being Julia, the tail-heavy drama Closer becomes even harder to take. Being Julia is a 2004 film directed by István Szabó, inspired by W. Somerset Maugham's novel Theatre. Set in the world of the London stage in the late 1930s, reigning diva Julia Lambert's success and fame grow suddenly wearisome. She falls in love with a young American, Tom Fennel, and begins a passionate affair. When she realises that Tom is just a young social climber whose real passion is ambitious young starlet Avice Crichton, Julia begins to plot a delightful revenge. Annette Bening gave Julia a charming character and overwhelmingly loveable. The plot of the film is carefully laid out and the most interesting part of the film is Julia's communication with her dead mentor. The mentor appears every time she is emotionally struggled, and tells her how to transform her emotion into dramatical power on the stage. At the end of the movie, Julia goes to the resturant alone after the successful opening night for her new play. She drinks her beer and gazes into her past, present and future. The motionless position of her body and emotionless face of hers make such a deep imprint that you might forget everything about the movie, but not her face. Closer is adopted from a play written by Patrick Marber. The film is a modern tragedic version of Mozart's opera Così fan tutte; the film features that music and the characters attend a performance of the opera. Also, the music of Irish folk singer Damien Rice is featured in the film, most notably the song, "The Blower's Daughter", whose lyrics drew many parallels with the themes present in the film. Side point: The band Panic! At the Disco's 2005 debut album included songs called "Lying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" and "But it's Better if You Do", a direct reference to a line spoken by Natalie Portman's character. ("Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do.")

要是爸在

这一晚，吃饱喝足了，坐下来喝茶和抠脚丫子，对着电脑发呆。然后，非常的想念爸爸，想念有人替自己做主的日子。 昨天晚上做梦，一个人磨豆子做豆浆。吭哧吭哧地原地打转，心里急得不行就醒过来了。哎，要是爸在，三十岁也不用而立，四十岁也不用不惑，五十岁也不用知天命，一辈子糊涂都不用发愁，多好！要是爸在，他一定逼着我再组装一台晶体管收音机，告诉我等收音机装好了，心里的事儿也就找着答案了。要是爸在，他一定看不惯我这么没精打采地磨蹭，他一定会抽出我的懒筋来，让我踏踏实实地干活，老老实实的做人。嘿，他干吗那么着急就从“爸爸”的岗位上退了下来呢？我还有好多人生的问题等着他来回答呢，那些问题的答案不在《十万个为什么》里面，也不再《儒勒法尔纳全集》中间，也不在他喜欢的《元曲选》里。要是爸在， 我的人生一定会简单的多。要是爸在，我要告诉他，我也开始喜欢胡一刀，不再喜欢令狐冲了。

祖国山河一片红

晚会，记得吗？

北京

银川

天安门

福娃

National Day 2

National Day

New York Film Festival

I am not old enough to write memoir. But certain themes come back to me again and again and bring me the unexpected joy of being. Something simple and fantastic. They shape the form of my present life and I as an individual. Among these beautiful things, the stories around New York Film Festival defenitely are the pearls on the crown . It is not so much about the films I saw or the celebrities encountered in the cinema, but my friends and the joy we had together. Two years ago, gosh, I can not believe that was two years ago. We went to see the openning night of the 42nd NYFF, the filmmaker-actress Agnès Jaoui and her writing partner-lead actor Jean-Pierre Bacri and their wonderful movive "Look at Me". The satirical comedy about the ordinary looking daughter and egotistical self-regard father made a funny duet. We mimiced celebrities to have our red-capet pictures taken, and then had bubbletea in the sweet Oct night. Then, was the night for the Holy Girl. The unspoken desire and the thin line between seduction and rejection made such a good reflection of my life back then. Yesterday, we went to see the Queen at the openning night of 44th NYFF. Again, a wonderful movie with lots of British jokes. The young Blair back then, was fighting his war for popularity against the aging Queen and her resistence to recognize the dead Princess of Walsh. At the end, the Queen invited the young priminister for a walk and she recalled her education was to put duty first and then self. However, the time has changed and the people want to see the Royals to show their emotion, like Diana. I wonder will the Queen and Tony Blair see the film themselves? I am in the middle of a novel by Bernhard Schlink, The Reader. It is about a thn 15 years old Michael and his lover, 36 years old Hanna in a small post WWII German town. When their relationship turned sour, Hanna disappeared. Seven years later, Michael met Hanna again in the court where Hanna was accused of crime as a Nazi camp guard. When other defendants ardently rejected any involvement in the crime, Hanna honestly reflected on her past behavior. When the proceding judge accused her of not helping out the victims in a great fire which led to their death, she replied, with her famous moral puzzel, "what should you have done in that situation?" The novel runs deeper in its reflection on the War as being a second generation after the War. But it is in fact not about the War, but uses it as a mirror to reflect on the fundamental moral puzzels of human race.

Magic Mom

卡伦一走进厨房就问, “Where is your magic mom? Is she home yet?” Magic mom? 我想了半天，才回过味儿来，原来她们一直这么称呼妈妈。温蒂笑着说，“你来晚了，她已经回北京了。我们刚才一直在聊她呢。”可不是，温蒂不停地说妈妈是如何的神奇，能够在很短的时间内一个人包饺子、包包子、做烧麦，甚至自己酿制甜酒，简直是个奇迹！想想妈妈在这里的日子，我都是饭来张口，到点儿才到厨房吃饭，从来也不知道原来妈妈已经凭借高超的厨艺，吸引了一批粉丝。卡伦忙不迭的补充说，我妈妈真是了不起，要是她的妈妈来了，肯定不敢一个人出去坐地铁、到唐人街买菜，甚至一个人在厨房做饭。因为要是进来个外国人，而且进来的大都是外国人，她的妈妈一定不好意思跟人家搭讪。我的妈妈不仅一个人进进出出，在曼哈顿一个人逛街，而且到美国人的超市、西班牙裔的超市、日本人的超市、韩国人的超市、广东人的超市购物，从来都不怵。就连我们楼里打扫卫生的西班牙裔的大爷、大妈，都对妈妈念念不忘，好像是第一次了解了普通中国人的生活。 不是我夸我妈，她还真是有两下子。我们一起到拉斯韦加斯看著名的无上装表演，还没过半场，妈妈就在波涛汹涌的剧场里睡着了。哪像周围的国内代表团的同志们，一个一个看得聚精会神，生怕不能理解节目里的微言大义。 今天看到一个新说法：大陆陈已倒，台湾陈还在。

Mission Impossible

We are dealing with impossible mission everyday. Today, the challenge is a in-class presentation about a chapter of my thesis. My friend told me I was nervous like a shaking leaf in a winter chilly wind for the first 5 minutes. My gosh, I was lucky to get over it in 5 minutes! Anyway, I get some interesting feedbacks. Sometimes I wonder why I am not born to be a genius. How life will be different if I were a genius? Then, I change my mind after I read the brief description of a talented mind, a cambridge mathematician died at age of 32. This week CU dedictes a panel discussion to him for his achievement in math which for the most part we still not understand today. "Srinivasa Aiyangar Ramanujan was born December 22, 1887, in Erode, Tamil Nadu, India. He showed a consuming passion and genius for mathematics at an early age. An orthodox Brahmin and devout in his religious beliefs, Ramanujan attributed every mathematical equation to his family deity, the goddess Namagiri. In 1912, he sent his now famous letters containing his equations to Professor GH Hardy, who persuaded him to come to Cambridge. An obscure clerk at the Port Trust of Madras, Ramanujan was to become a Fellow of the Royal Society and of Trinity College, Cambridge, while proving, in association with his mentor, G.H . Hardy, results that continue to astound the world of mathematics to this day. Between 1914 and 1918, Ramanujan produced 3000 theorems, many that are still being deciphered today. However, Ramanujan fell prey to the harsh winters of England and was diagnosed with tuberculosis which was exacerbated by the rigors and stress of academic life, his feeling of isolation in an alien culture and the scarcity of vegetarian food. He returned to India in 1919, and died shortly after, on April 26 th, 1920 at the age of 32. "

Adam Smith Rule

The demand and supply in a market is driven by an invisible hand, so said Adam Smith a couple of hundred years ago. So we should let the market to rationalize demand and supply. In this respect, we can also generate some information from market price about demand and supply. One good example of this kind is from a recent annuncement of CUCSSA, about its annual National Day Grand Party. Here is the ticket pricing information: $3.00: CUID; $4.00: Student ID, spouse of CUID (one spouse per CUID!), seniors older than 55; $5.00: Female non-student ID holder; $10:00: Male non-student ID holder with female partner; $20.00: Single male non-student ID holder. Assume the ticket price equals the real price minus CUCSSA subsidy. From the pricing policy, we can generate the following conclusions: 1. A female CU student is less likely to meet Mr.Right in the party. Because the high subsidy to encourage CU male students to bring in their wives and non-CU males to bring thier female partners ($10 reduction). Also single non-CU male won't show up simply because of the high price . 2. A male CU student is likely to meet Ms. Right in the party. Given that married male students have to pay extra $4.00 to bring in their wives, they are less likely to attend at all. Also the price for external single competitors is really high ($17), so those externals are less likely to participate. There is almost no price difference between female CU students and non-CU female single ($2), the non-CU females will be willing to come. See you can learn a lot about the CUCSSA 2005-2006 Working Committee from the above information: it is dominately male CU students!

新生活运动和八荣八耻

蒋介石推行过新生活运动，其核心就是效法英美生活方式，试图改造中国国民之习性。据说1934年蒋介石发起新生活运动,主要是为了配合武力上"剿共",同时在一定程度上,也为抗日战争作精神准备.新生活运动以蒋介石重新解释之后的礼义廉耻为中心准则,同时吸取近代资本主义国家的某些公共道德和社会生活方面的某些精神文明,以整肃国民日常生活,改良社会风气,并以促成国民生活的军事化、生产化、艺术化为追求目标。 根据维科百科全书的介绍，1934年2月19日，蔣介石於南昌發表演說，為歷時十五年的新生活運動揭開了序幕。「新生活運動」這個名詞，最早見於一九三四年二月十七日蔣介石在南昌於調查設計會所作的演說〈新生活運動發凡〉。在這次演說中，蔣介石指出「所謂革命者，即依據一種進步的新思想（主義），以人力徹底改進各個人以至整個國家之生活形態之謂。簡言之，革命即生活形態之改進也。吾國革命之所以迄今尚未成功，即在於全國國民之生活形態始終無所改進。」，是以蔣介石提出的「新生活」是「先求全國國民於食衣住行四項實際的基本生活能澈底改進之一種社會教育的運動」，是使國民革命得以成功，中華民族得以復興的手段。 早在一九三二年四月蔣介石對中央政治學校學生所作的演說〈人格與革命〉中，即已提出除了「親愛精誠」四字以外，尚要加上「禮義廉恥」方能「挽救墮落的民德和人心」、「改造革命的環境」、「確定我們革命的基礎」，因為在蔣介石的眼中，當時的中國人實在是沒有禮義，不知廉恥，自私自利，所以才會面對亡國亡種的危機。後來蔣介石發起新生活運動時以「禮義廉恥」為其中一端重要的思想，可說是他對於挽救中國危亡之方的一貫看法。 “禮義廉恥”（四維）是新運的中心思想。蔣介石要民眾把“禮義廉恥”結合到日常的“食衣住行”各方面。新運想要做到的，不僅是表面的市容清潔、謹守秩序，而是“要改革社會，要復興一個國家和民族”1。蔣介石理想化地希望新運能使人民改頭換面，具備“國民道德”和“國民知識”，從根本上革除陋習。 若干年以后，礼义廉耻再次成为政府公共政策的热点，也就是当下的八荣八耻。根据维科百科全书的介绍，， 社会主义荣辱观是中国共产党中央委员会总书记胡锦涛于2006年3月4日下午在第十届中國人民政治協商會議第四次会议的民盟、民进联组会上发表的“关于树立社会主义荣辱观”的讲话中提出的，一般又称为“八荣八耻”。据中国共产党的官方解释，提出“八荣八耻”的目的在于引导中国广大干部群众特别是青少年树立社会主义荣辱观。社会主义荣辱观被评为2006年春夏中国主流报纸十大流行语之一。它的主要内容就是： 以热爱祖国为荣、以危害祖国为耻；以服务人民为荣、以背离人民为耻；以崇尚科学为荣、以愚昧无知为耻；以辛勤劳动为荣、以好逸恶劳为耻；以团结互助为荣、以损人利己为耻；以诚实守信为荣、以见利忘义为耻；以遵纪守法为荣、以违法乱纪为耻；以艰苦奋斗为荣、以骄奢淫逸为耻。 不知道这是历史的巧合， 还是因为礼义廉耻的确是中国文化的精髓。以下是王晓峰同学仿赵丽华作的诗 《不以为》： 以热爱祖国为荣，不以危害祖国为耻； 以服务人民为荣，不以背离人民为耻；以崇尚科学为荣，不以愚昧无知为耻；以辛勤劳动为荣，不以好逸恶劳为耻；以团结互助为荣，不以损人利己为耻；以诚实守信为荣，不以见利忘义为耻；以遵纪守法为荣，不以违法乱纪为耻；以艰苦奋斗为荣，不以骄奢淫逸为耻。

我们为什么需要诗歌和诗人？

网上正在恶搞诗坛"芙蓉姐姐"赵丽华，张颐武同学也发言说他不评论赵丽华诗歌的好坏（其实字里行间都透露着他的鄙视，认为赵丽华糟蹋了现代诗歌口语化和参照日常生活的传统），只是他对于诗歌因为如此而在网络上“复兴”而感到悲哀。他认为对于赵的恶搞折射了现代人对于诗歌的态度。具体地说，赵加剧了普通人对于诗歌的误解，白白地坠了诗歌的清誉。他的评论一如既往地带着文学批评贵族的优越感，和他对自己影评的评价和对陈逸飞同学的推崇备至如出一辙。 不管怎么说，他间接地提出了一个很好的问题， 为什么现代人还需要诗歌和诗人？这个问题看起来很蠢，但是需要小心的对待。就好像我们小时候被灌输的那样，如果诗歌和阶级一样只是一定社会生产力条件下的产物，那么随着物质的极大丰富，是不是诗歌和阶级一样也要灭亡了呢？过去，诗歌是诗人对于生活的思考，由于他们所拥有的言语霸权地位，他们的声音超越了平头百姓的声音，被历史记录下来。反过来，平头百姓又利用诗人的声音来表达和释放自己的思想和情感，因为他们自己在表达能力或者表达权力上的不足。与杜甫同时代的人，谁没有经历过新婚别、无家别和垂老别呢？但是唯有杜甫的“三吏”、“三别”成了历史的绝唱。和李白同时代的人未必没有李白的书生意气，但是只有他能够信手拈来，神闲气定地写出“人生在世不称意，明照散发弄扁舟”这样的千古佳句。 法国革命以降，随着贵族阶层的解体和教育的普及，诗歌也渐渐和其他文学形式一样，成为人人可及的表达方式。去除了表达权利的障碍，余下的就是个体表达能力的差异了（当然表达的能力从某种程度上说仍然受到个人社会阶层的限制）。在一个人人都有写诗权力的时代，我们为什么还需要诗人呢？网络上对于赵丽华诗歌的恶俗的模仿，至少说明，这些恶搞的人具有自主创作的可能性。 但是这些人和赵丽华至少有两个区别。首先，赵丽华的写作再不济也是她个人的原创 （在此假设她的确没有剽窃他人的作品）。其次，她有借助诗歌来进行个人表达的意愿。过去我们读海子，但是大多数人不再读海子了。北岛在长岛上愉快地享受着他的游泳池；其他的诗人，不知道干什么去了。 这第二点也是诗人和诗歌存在的根本。诗歌存在需要两个基本的条件：首先，个人要有强烈的表达欲望。其次，她或者他要借助诗歌而不是其他的形式来表达。关于第一点，里儿克在《致青年诗人的十封信》中开张名义地提了出来。 他认为青年人必须反观自己内心的深处，自问有没有一个叫自己非如此不可表达的理由。如果有，那么这个人就要服从自己的使命，以诗歌作为自己安身立命的根本。这种强烈的表达欲望，是张扬个体意志的机会，这一点在现代的网络上并不少见。随便浏览几个博客网站，到处都能碰上小资们在无病呻吟，我的也不例外。但关键的区别在于，个体所要表达的是什么。诗人可以进行非常私人的写作；但是如果一旦这些作品发表出来，它们所代表的应该是对于现实的关怀，对于人性的审视和怀疑，是对于美的关照， 而不是机械的复制或者对于流俗的拷贝。所谓的机械写作，在20世纪初曾经被大规模的试验过，但是不知道有没有作品流传下来。关于这一点，不妨想象一下“深蓝”和一个象棋高手的区别。至于对于流俗的拷贝，在这一点上张颐武有一些道理，口语化和日常生活化不意味着把Simpsons 的每一集都记录下来也是诗歌。随着所谓社会的进步，人与人的差异日以减小，身份的危机前所未有的加剧。一个人与另一个的区别，借用《生命不能承受之轻》中托马斯的观点，不过是在达到性高潮瞬间的不同表现。诗歌不是口语，即便是以口语形式表达出来的诗歌，也是诗人对于存在的思考。网络的流行并没有泯灭这个观点，相反的，网络红人的迅速出现和消失，正说明了这个道理。 至于第二点，使用诗歌作为表达的方式，讨论起来有点麻烦。对于为什么有人非得写诗不可，我也不太明白。这一点有待进一步的阅读和研究。但是每一次我打开聂鲁达，尝试对照他的西班牙语原本和英文的翻译，我都能够感觉到他的语言的力量，我想这就是所谓上天所赐予的能力。 技术的进步（不加引号的）使得每个人都可以通晓过去只有艺术家才能掌握的创作方式，比如电影可以用DV来制作，广播技术已经为广大的播客所掌握，行为艺术比比皆是。网络上每天都诞生无数的作家，他们每天生产无数的小说、诗歌和部落格。如果说过去的艺术成产过程像怀孕和分娩，现在大概比较像自慰了。诗歌是理性和激情的对话，在诗歌面前，我哑口无言。所以我恳求大家去恶搞别的东西，放诗歌一马，让它在小众中间继续生存吧。

The Bay of Marseilles, Seen from L'Estaque , ca. 1885 Paul C�zanne  

The Two Saltimbanques (Harlequin and his Companion) , 1901 Pablo Picasso  

Charing Cross Bridge, London , ca. 1906 Andr� Derain  

Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going? , 1897�98 Paul Gauguin  

Three Tahitian Women , 1899 Paul Gauguin  

Dr. F�lix Rey , 1889 Vincent van Gogh  

The Smoker , ca. 1891 Paul C�zanne  

Boy in a Red Waistcoat , 1888�90 Paul C�zanne  

Three Bathers , 1879�82 Paul C�zanne  

Ambroise Vollard , 1899, Paul C�zanne  

Armand Roulin Vincent van Gogh 88 Vincent van Gogh (Dutch, 1853�1890)  

Who's baby?

We went to the Lincoln Platza and randomly picked a moive, Sherrybaby. It was about Sherry who returned home to New Jersey after serving a three year prison sentence. Eager to reestablish a relationship with her young daughter, Sherry soon discovered that coming back to the world she left behind is far more difficult than she had planned. She did not have the social network to support her and she was very poor in anger management and emotional control. The director and screenplay writer Laurie Collyer gives a lot of sympathy to the charactor, nevertheless, the film is lack of a coherent story line and the story is poorly told. Before my mom left, we went to Met for a recent exhibition Cézanne to Picasso: Ambroise Vollard, Patron of the Avant-Garde. here is a brief introduction: "This is the first comprehensive exhibition devoted to Ambroise Vollard (1866–1939)—the pioneer dealer, patron, and publisher who played a key role in promoting and shaping the careers of many of the leading artists during the late 19th and early 20th centuries. It includes 100 paintings, as well as dozens of ceramics, sculpture, prints, and livres d'artistes commissioned and published by Vollard, dating from the time of his appearance on the Paris art scene in the late 1880s to his death in 1939.

The exhibition features works by Bonnard, Cézanne, Degas, Derain, Gauguin, Van Gogh, Maillol, Matisse, Picasso, Redon, Renoir, Rouault, Rousseau, Vlaminck, Vuillard, and others. Highlights include five paintings from Vollard's landmark 1895 Cézanne exhibition; a never-before-reassembled triptych from his 1896–97 Van Gogh retrospective; the masterpiece Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going? from Vollard’s 1898 Gauguin exhibition; paintings from Picasso's first French exhibition (1901) and Matisse's first solo exhibition (1904); and three pictures from Derain's London series, painted in 1906–07 at Vollard's suggestion. The exhibition also includes numerous portraits of Vollard by leading artists, among them Cézanne, Bonnard, Renoir, and Picasso. Whether it was commissioned, exhibited, or owned by him, each of these works at one time passed through Vollard's hands."

The exhibition introduces each artist and their relationship with Vollard in a separate room, so you start with Cézanne, Van Gogh, and then Matisse, Renoir, and Picasso. There even a room for Vollard's portraits by different artists he sponsored . Picasso said Vollard had more portraits painted than the most beautiful woman in the world. Vollard had an exceptional taste for new art and the vision to take on new artists, even when he was in his early 20s. He opened his gallery at 27 and sponsored the most important exhibitions for Cézanne right away. He is not a collector, so the exhibition is not from his own collection (even though it is a large collection); the art works are organized the way as they were in the original exhibtions in late 19 ceuntry and early 20 ceuntry. Vollard is really a charactor and his best friend is Renoir at the time. There is a very short documentary of old Renoir and Vollard at the master's studio. Instead of working as a art critic or theorist to shape the world vision about new art, Vollard achieved that by commission works from artists, put them on his payroll, and sell their works on their behalf. He discovered new artists and reserve their works. When he died in 1939, his belongs might outbid any avant-gard gallery at that time. Due to the difficulty to resolve the cases around his will and the approaching war, his collections were kept in several countries including France, Canada, and U.S. and others. It was amazing to see them come back again in one exhibition. Other extraordinary achievement of Vollard is that he was highly interested in making prints and books for new artists, so many of the European artists were able to be known outside Europe. After WWI, he turned his interested into writing about his work, his relationship with artists, and the art history he was part of it. By all means, he was the power engine of the art world then. Having no legal child of himself, he left the world with his vision, his passion for art, and his unique talent in making the new art accessible to ordinary people.

Next Best Thing

In the moive The Next Best Thing, Abbi was a straight yoga instructor and Robert was a gay gardener, they were best friends. They messed up once and did not talk for a while. Then, Abbi went to Robbi's flower shop and told him about the best thing happended to them. Robbi: So we are friends, again? Abbi sighed and she took a long breath: Actually, the next best thing. Robbi: What's that about? Abbi: I am preganent with your baby. Robbi fainted right away. Then Roboert went to airport to pick up his parents. His father teased him and asked: How is your BEST friend Abbi? How is her sex life? Robbi hesitated and answered: She is preganent. Robbi's mother: She married? Robert: No. In fact, I am the baby's father. Robert's father: You what? You will make us the laughtstick of our relatives. You are still queer? Robert: Yes, I am qeer! And I am a father now. Rupert Everett played the active gay father Robert in this so-so film against Madonna as Abbi. He is one of my favorate British actors, starring Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest and The Ideal Husband and Shakespear's Midsummer Night's Dream. His playfulness and humor make him a great comedy actor. In this rather boring film about what makes a Father and what is meant to be a homosexual father, there is so much more could be discussed and elaborated. Happend to listen to a radio discussion about Janna Levin's new book, A Madman Dreams of Turing Machines. Levin is a physics professor from Banard College and the book is about two 20 ceuntry mathematicians, Kurt Gödel (1906" 1978) and Alan Turing (1912" 1954). Gödel's incompleteness theorem destroying the line of inquiry (arguably spearheaded by Wittgenstein, who cameos)that argued math was complete in itself. Turing broke the German Enigma code during WWII and was the forerunner of computer. Both of them are gay and eccentric to their times and great fun of Disney cartoons. Turning killed himself by eating a poisoned apple, exactly like what happend in Snowwhite. The ordinary world is too much a burden for talents like them.

别跟自己煽情

虽然晚点了4 个小时，中国民航还是把妈妈拉回了家。到北京的时候，已经是晚上9点多了。哥哥带着新女朋友到首都机场接她，让妈妈也享受了一下家庭的温暖。妈妈可真够利落的，刚到家，转天就把东西都拾掇好了，又出去买菜做饭，伺候哥哥他们两个，一点儿时差都没有。她把带回去的礼物都分门别类放好，就等着国庆节的时候到天津去献宝贝了。 妈妈来去正好三个月，别的没带走，把我的心给带走了一半儿。原来从来没有这么惦记着家里，现在恨不得天天打电话问问。 从机场回来，我在airtran上面忍不住哭了。一个人带着一个人的寂寞，我又成了自己的时间和空间的主人。但是一个人的房间里，怪冷清的。忍着吧，我对自己说，月有阴晴圆缺，此事古难全。忍着吧，人得自己成全自己，别跟自己煽情。 刚刚出电梯的时候，打扫卫生的波多黎各阿姨问： --这两天怎么没见着你妈妈啊？ --回北京了。 --那你可得想她了吧？ --我已经想念她了，我说。